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Supernatural is first and foremost a television show. Nothing else. People in offices of downtown Los Angeles thought the idea Eric Kripke had some years back worthy of investing money. The parts were cast, the crew assembled and so far five seasons have been shot and the sixth is already in preparation. It's just a TV show. Nothing else. Or is there more to it?
Now, some of you might think - ah, the resident shrink is asking stupid, unnecessary questions. Of course there is more to it, these questions are so superfluous. Why does she ask that at all? Well, I think it's kind of genetic. the moment you begin to immerse yourself in the human mind and soul, your genes alter (not really, of course, you microbiologists out there!) and you can't help it - questions just begin to build in your cortex.
As long as I remember I have always been inquisitive. Always wanted to know more. and I'm so grateful for that, as it made me curious about life, people and various things. It opened my mind to so many incredible experiences - and to some not so pleasant ones, but that's a part of the deal, I think.
As this summer hiatus is upon us, I have been thinking some more about this show and, as I have spent so much time over the past months writing for this site, bouncing ideas for articles around in my head, asked myself again (and in all likelihood for the umpteenth time) why I love this show so much. Why can't I just skip it and do other things that might be more sensible or meaningful?
Perhaps some of you have been wondering the same thing occasionally when reason would say: come on, falling again for a fictional character? Weeping again over an invented story?
I would like to invite you to share with us what Supernatural means to you and, to make it easier for you, I will begin with telling you some of my story.
I mentioned some of this in another article and, if you read that, it might feel redundant to you, so I ask your forgiveness for repeating myself.
Why can't I quit writing? This answer is simple: Because I can't. It's so much a part of me that I would have to forsake one important tool of my package of strategies of coping with life. And, having a mind constantly at work in one way or another, this has always been an integral part of my creativity, and as I am suffering a writer's blockade at present when it comes to the book I've been working on for some time now, writing for this marvellous site is one of my favourite passions. (Perhaps I should be grateful for that block, as I don't honestly know how to find time for all of it.).
Exploring the Winchester story and the psychology behind it, the mythological or metaphysical aspects of the show or the hilarious fun stuff in there is relaxing my mind. I wouldn't want to miss it for the world.
But - I would not be writing about Supernatural if it was only another television show. I have watched other shows before and loved them, too. I was a huge MacGyver fan growing up, I loved to watch Highlander or Buffy and Angel, and today the only other shows I follow are TrueBlood and Criminal Minds. I watch other stuff occasionally, but not on a regular basis. Not any of the mentioned shows ever evoked the need in me to write about it. Or to think more about it than you usually do, watching a TV show - you like the story, at times you drool over the eye candy, you get scared out of your wits or moved by a romantic scene, but that's about it.


# Julie 2010-06-21 04:44
Thank you for writing this article.
Once again you affirm what a strong and brave woman you are. I cannot write like you but you know the parallels. We are so lucky to have discovered this show and this site once again `Thank You` Love Ju
# Sablegreen 2010-06-21 09:50
Hi Jas, well now I see why you lean toward Sam. One reason I like SPN is that through the boys (when they actually do highlight both of them) everyone can find one of them they can identify with. That allows them to cover all age groups not just the 18-34. The second reason is the family ties the show was built on. I hope season 6 brings both of the back in spades!

Just a technical note, I could not access page three. :sad:
# Jasminka 2010-06-21 13:14
Julie and Sablegreen, you read this! Gosh, thank you.

Ju, I know why you couldn't write more, of course I do and I understand. Thank you. You know what for. THere's nothing more to say.

Sablegreen, guilty, I guess... Thank you, dear. Try hitting the 'print' icon to read the whole article, it shoul work to show you the whole thing.

Cheers! Jas
# Bevie 2010-06-21 13:33
Hi Jas, thanks for the advice about using the print icon to access the whole article as it works just fine, but I don't think it should work this way. I see Sablegreen had some trouble too.

As to what this show means to me, how can I count the reasons?

I used to watch Smallville and left the station on as I surfed the net and Supernatural came on and played away with me not paying much attention to it. I thought it was just another pretty boy genre show. Unbelievable, but this went on for almost 3 seasons!! :sad:

I can remember when the Impala was t-boned by the truck and thinking I guess this show will not be back next season and everyone was dead.

I first really paid attention to "A Very Supernatural Christmas" and went from enjoying Kripke's ideal Christmas show (gross) and loving that aspect, as my family is all gone now and Christmas is not a holiday favourite any more. Something about the little boys left alone for that dreary Christmas without their dad, and Dean trying so hard to give little Sammy his Christmas, and Sam giving Dean the amulet instead of his dad and the absolutely beautiful ending with Sam giving Dean his last Christmas just got to me so much (I'm snivelling about it even at this moment) that I immediately went to Amazon and ordered the first two seasons.

I absolutely loved the show (once I really paid attention to it) from the very beginning of the pilot with poor Dean wanting his brother to be with him and not to be alone any more.

This is probably why I absolutely adore Dean as I can understand his terrible fear of being alone. I love both boys fiercely but do tend to lean towards Dean and I feel his emotions and hurts so very deeply. I know what it is like to be alone.

I'm not a fool and I know this is a TV show, but these Winchester brothers have drilled themselves into my heart and they inspire such a love for them that I hope I will never have to lose them.

The fact that Jensen and Jared are such good friends only enhances my enjoyment of this show, and I can't say how very much I admire the both of them for their acting prowess and how they seem to morph into these two effortlessly and make them so very very real to me. I find myself in absolute awe of Jensen's amazing talent and he never never lets me down in that direction.

Have I mentioned I love this show?LOL!

But right now I would really appreciate a season six with a little more smiles and laughs from the boys as there hasn't been too much fun in their lives in the last couple of years and they do have the most beautiful smiles on TV!

This is almost as long as the article. Sorry.

These two boys fill an empty spot in my heart and I confess I love them dearly and care mightily what happens to them. This may sound sappy, but so be it! ;-)
# peek-a-boo 2010-06-21 13:51
Thanks for this article Jas, it's really interesting to see why other people relate to this show so intensely.

Personally? My mother started to nag me about watching Supernatural from the first episode, but I always put off watching it.

In my defense, Mum had a habit of watching the most AWFUL, contrived rubbish she could find on TV! In that she would look at 3am on the commercial channels to watch their equivalent of 'The Thing'.
So to say I was suspicious of her judgement was an understatement, :lol:

Then in March 2006, Mum died very suddenly and unexpectedly in front of me. There aren't words for the next few months, I retreated in to myself and was desperately trying to hang on to anything that would remind me of her.

I saw an advert for Season 2 starting in the UK, and remembered her nagging me to watch it, right in time to catch In My Time Of Dying and John's deal.

For some reason it really resonated with me, the pain that Dean and Sam were going through. It reminded me that I too had a family I would do anything for and that like it or not,I was going to have to move on without her.

Then I fell in love with the characters and story for their own sake, and I have been a huge fan ever since.

And sometimes when I watch it,I can hear her saying "I told you so!" :-)
# Jasminka 2010-06-21 14:22
Bevie, thank you for elaborating on why you love this show and no need to apologize - that was the idea, to encourage readers to share more than one sentence about this show, so - ramble on...

You found something with the show that touched your heart, as we all have in one way or another, and it's such a wonderful thing, it enriches our lives with fun, adventure, depth.

In past times people would go to exhibitions or readings, today we have more art forms, and television is one of those.

Thank you so much for sharing, Jas
# Jasminka 2010-06-21 14:27
Peek-a-boo, what a lovely penname...

Thank you so much for your open and moving comment! I am so sorry to hear about your mom's passing - our mothers died in the same year, mine in October... Believe me, I can relate to what it means, well, I've written about it.

I do think that's a part of the magic this show holds - that everyone of us finds something that resonates in our souls, always on a most emotional level. It is a gift, though it can be painful at times.

And it's great that you found more in this show and became a fan who is entirely entitled to love this show for what it is - a great piece of television.

I am honoured that you shared this with us. Jas
# Mardem 2010-06-21 15:07
Well, it seems my reasons for liking Supernatural are a bit more different than most the people out there. So let me explain it.

I am now 18 years old. I am a Brazilian male. Until season 3 I considered myself a 'bibro'. I could understand both brothers pretty well, even though I had tendencies to better understand Sam's point of view. I never knew for sure why I tended to empathize with him that much. But that changed when I watched 'Metamorphosis' . Sam has demon blood in him and, because of that, he always felt different and out of place, even in his own family. I couldn't believe the moment it was cleared. The reason I empathized with Sam so much is because we both felt out of place. Now let me explain why.

Brazil is worldwidely known for soccer. Indeed, Brazilian people tend to valorize only soccer and any other sports are put aside. Now, if you're a man, you're supposed to be a sports freak, which really means a soccer freak. Now, I don't really like soccer nor any other sports, so people always looked at me different and I myself felt different. So, from season 4 on, I consider myself a 'Sam fan'. But the thing is, Dean never really mistreated Sam or something like that, and that fact alone made me think of my life and how there were people that still liked me despite my 'flaws'. Daddy issues also come into play, but that's something for another time.

Great article, Jas, as always.
# Jasminka 2010-06-21 17:03
Mardem, hey, another man in our midst - forgive me, I am always glad to find a male point of view, as this show tends to be kind of monopolized by ladies...well...

I can relate to your story of feeling different, though for other reasons than yourself. I grew up with a soccer fan, my dad actually was a huge Pélé fan and, naturally, often rooted for Brazil in those times and during World Cup periods, like now, and through him I learned a lot about football and how important it is to Brazil.

I can imagine how tough it can be to grow up there and not like what the 'masses'like. That requires some courage, you know, to let others know that you're not a football freak. But, as you say, you did voice that you didn't like sports much and you sometimes felt being treated differently.

Those are not 'flaws', dear. You just love other stuff. And why not? That you found something in this show that might have encouraged you is a great thing.

Shakespeare once said - and it happens to be my favourite quote ever - 'To thine own self be true'. Indeed, dear. The way you are, that's how you are allowed to be, of course!

Thanks so much for sharing. Sending my best wishes over the Atlantic to BRazil, Jas
# Jasminka 2010-06-21 17:09
Dany, you might just be my favourite 'sap' - believe me, I'm a major weeper when it comes to movies, books, or, well, tv shows. So - go ahead sapping around... it's fun, isn't it?

It's so moving to read how you came to love the show and be a 'SamGirl' and then loving Dean. That you felt like you knew the characters, I believe, is another testimony to the amazing quality of the show - it is so well drawn and written and astonishingly acted.

I can imagine why it's sometimes difficult for you to watch some episodes, well, knowing you a little by now, for the same reason why I can hardly watch episodes like 'Heart' as that for instance reminds me of a lost love...

But if the show can take your mind off things and if we can do that in one way or another and keep you 'sane', it's something to be treasured. And it's an honour to be entrusted with your emotions that you sometimes share with us.

Thank you. Thank you. Jas
# joelsteinlover 2010-06-21 21:48
Thankfully, I don't have a sad story to identify with (and my heart goes out to all of you that do), what really gets me are the similarities between Sam and Dean and my little sister and me.

Obviously, our situation isn't even close to theirs. We live in a middle-class, suburban neighborhood with both of our parents, we've never moved, we're both girls, we're six years apart not two, we own a station wagon and play ABBA and get freaked out by horror movies, etc. But ever since she was born when I was still watching Dora and Blue and Barney, I started identifying more with older siblings or people in older-sibling roles on TV shows, just a little bit. It only became readily apparent with Supernatural (and with every other brother show I've watched--the Vampy D's, Royal Pains). Sam will argue with Dean and I'll be like, "Don't talk to your big brother that way, punk!" or, "Dude, he's the older sibling, he's always right, duh!" While I know in the back of my head that Sam's right approximately fifty percent of the time, I purse my lips in disapproval when he's defiant because that's what I'd do if it was my sister talking like that to me. And then, when they're doing some serious brother lovin', I'll smile because I love my sister so much, just like them. I've always been intrigued by sibling relationships, there are so many ways it can go, and theirs is the ultimate.

I came upon the show on my Comcast tv guide menu thing the week before the 4th season finale, and I thought it sounded interesting so I Netflixed the first three seasons (and bought the fourth on iTunes, and it took three bazillion years to download and was expensive but come on! The season three ending! It had to be done!) and laughed and cried and gasped my way through them. And then I had to wait pretty much the whole Hellatus for it to come back, and at that time I hadn't found this site yet, so it was torture! I actually found Alice's Blogcritics thing first, read and loved all her reviews, then came here just a couple weeks before it was over (as far as I can remember) and devoured all of these articles. This being my first whole Hellatus, I'm so glad I have articles like this, and all the others, to hold me over.

As usual, amazing article, Jas. You're truly inspiring.
# faye 2010-06-21 23:02
My first episode was Hell House. I was not going to watch Supernatural, I avoided it ON PURPOSE because it was a horror story, and I hated horror stories, and it was on during CSI (sorry Dean, love police procedurals). Well, CSI was getting kind of douchey at that point, so I said, OK lets see this, just channel surfing, basically. So the first thing I noticed was Alec from Dark Angel sticking a spoon in the other guy's mouth while he was asleep...

Well a whole bunch of switches flipped for me during that episode. One, the boys reminded me of my two sons; two, the road trip reminded me of my own love of the road growing up in an Air Force family; three, filmed in Vancouver, where I lived for many years. The next day, as I drove my kids to school, I told them all about it, so that the next Friday, I had to tell them what happened this time (it was on too late for them to watch).

By the end of season one, I was a basket case. From what I've read on this site, not many realize that the network was not clear on whether the show was going to be picked up for another season until quite late, so I and a lot of others feared that the semi was the end of the road...hellatus number one. And I'd gone through that before with Dark Angel and Firefly.

I also found Alice's blogcritics articles first, and it was great knowing that I wasn't the only person watching the show who wasn't a drooling fangirl, someone who actually cared about the writing and the directing and characterizatio n. I found this site after I finally got high speed out in the boonies. Love how all the writers for this site approach the show with love and humour and intelligent thought.
# Karen 2010-06-22 09:22
Hi Jasminka
Wow it’s amazing how one show can reach out and touch and impact so many people. My story has been posted before, but since it’s the Hellatus, why not.

I was a huge fan of Simon and Simon back in the 80's, so when they were advertising this new show back in 2005, I was excited to see if it had the same brotherly angst, banter and love. Unfortunately with my working hours and an old VCR, that on most occasions felt it's payment in taping shows was being able to eat the said tapes, I only caught a few episodes that first year.
The first episode I able to watch was Nightmare. I think I sat through most of the episode with my mouth hanging open and uttering on numerous occasions OMG and WTH.:shock: I had absolutely had no clue what was going on, but it didn't matter I was hooked.
Season two I was able to catch a few more episodes then last season. My daughter finally managed to watch an episode with me (AHBL#2) and she became an instant fan. It was then I decided to bite the bullet and buy season 1 and 2(when it came out). Unfortunately they didn’t sell this in VHS only DVD. Mysteriously our VHS machine finally died.8-) So my husband and I decided to upgrade and purchased a DVD player.
My daughter and I spent the summer watching both seasons, so we would be caught up before Season 3 started. Since season 3 started my daughter and I have never missed an episode, thanks to my cable company supplying us with a digital box with the capability to record.
# Yvonne 2010-06-22 11:07
Hello Jas.
Thanks so much for sharing your story and for opening a place for others to share theirs. What an amazing, strong, varied and admirable fan base this is!

I was looking for a TV show to help me wind down from the day. I'd seen advertisements for Supernatural and had thought to myself how stupid it looked. Just another genre show and I didn’t like horror that much. I’ve never been much on TV and soon found that the majority of the shows out there are rather horrid. In desperation, I tuned into Lazarus Rising since I’d seen Jensen in Smallville and thought him a good actor. If anything, I’d at least get some good eye candy.

The depth of the story, the makeup of the characters, the intensity, the road trip, the Impala(!), the beauty of the boys, the familial bond…all these things first drew me back. But as time passed, and I caught up on past seasons, I found myself in the incredibly unbelievable position of needing to watch this TV show. Why? First off, I’m a sucker for a good story, especially if the characters are well developed. And that is what kept bringing me back. The humanity of the Winchesters.

Those three (including John here!) would make mistakes and get back up. They would hurt themselves, each other, make decisions that were wrong...and try again. They don’t give up. They are flawed, they fail, they just won’t quit. I think that is why after Swan Song, I am beginning to lean toward being a Sam girl. He struggled for and found redemption. He had fallen so far and found a way to stand again, to be Sam again. He didn't die a monster.

I’ve made mistakes in life. One’s that make it difficult to look in the mirror at times. Those fictional men have done some awful things. All three of them. Their biggest struggle, I think, is learning to live with that, to begin to forgive themselves. While I’ve never done or experienced anything close to what they have, I do understand that journey. I’m traveling it with them. And despite it just being a freaking TV show, that they don’t give up has become pretty important to me.
# Holmes 2010-06-22 12:30
Hi. I'm from Venezuela (sorry for my english) and I started watching SPN in Season 2 (my first episode was The ussual suspects). Since the first time I saw it, when Sam was asking Linda Blair if she wanted him to turn agains his own brother(like if it was the stupidest idea he had ever heard) I felt so into it that I started watching Season 1, 2 and 3 when it aired. What really caught me since the start were the similarities between Sam and Dean and me and my 6 years older brother.The relasionship we both have is so awesome and close to the point we would do anything for each other if we have to, made me felt so conected to the Winchester boys that I care for them as much as I care for real people. The show means everything to my because it reminds me how lucky I am of having my family (specially my big bro)and how important and crucial they are for me, and when i fell lost I just think on SPN and it gives me the streng to go on, knowing that I can pass the bad times thanks to the suport of my love ones. So thank you Supernatural, thank you Eric Kripke and thank you all the cast and crew for bringin to life such a magnificent and meanigful masterpice.
# rlwgsd 2010-06-23 23:11
It is hard to find one reason that supernatural means a lot to me. I stumbled on to the show purly by accident last october. I was on netflix and looking for something to watch and this caught my eye.I look at the dvd cover and said "wow they are cute" I then got the dvd and sat down to watch the first episode and proceeded to stay up all night watching the 3 discs that came in the mail of friday. Needless to say i was hooked, on the boys , the care , the writing , the stories and everything. With in the next couple of weeks (thank god for the sales at best buy) I bought all four seasons on DVD and i have all the books. I love the connection that sam and dean have with each other is amazing. I have watched also the comic con videos on youtube and i see what amazing people Jared and jensen are and how much they love their work and appreciate the fans who love the show. I really think that the reason that i love watching supernatural so much is that you see two amazing actors doing something that they love and realizing how much joy it brings the rest of us. One thing that in know is that my greatest wish would be to meat them in person and although i know that will never happen being able to watch this show is enough. :D
# rlwgsd 2010-06-23 23:12
sorry for the typos i meant the boys the CAR the writing the stories and everything else.
# rlwgsd 2010-06-23 23:16
Sorry one last thing: IT is hard to choose between them as really Sam is OMG HOT and amazing and sweet, but i swear BADASS wins out everytime. So i would have to say that overall i am a Dean girl. Especially after Swan Song. You have to love a man whole against all odd has the guts to Come between heaven and hell just to be there when his family needs him. i promise i am done this time. Thank you for listening.
# Sonya 2010-06-24 09:35
Hi! I have been lurking here for a little while thanks to the recommendation of a friend (she might not claim me after reading all this) and decided I had to respond to this article. And even as I write what I want to say I know it will never come out as eloquent as I would like but I think you guys will understand because it seems as if Supernatural has touched us all.

Supernatural has opened up a whole new world for me. Unfortunately I got into the fandom later than some. When it first came on TV, I didn’t even have cable or an internet connection. I was slowly recovering from a painful divorce. My husband of seventeen years had left me and my fifteen-year old daughter. The same month he left, I was laid off from my job. I had a couple of very hard years. I ended up having to work two jobs for awhile. I knew Supernatural was out there. I had been a fan of Buffy and Angel and thought this would be another great show to take the place of the two I had lost.

As soon as I was able to afford it, I had my cable turned back on and watched my first episode of Supernatural. After that I went out and bought the first three seasons and got caught up within a week or so. I couldn’t stop watching. I’d be up until two a.m. and I’d keep thinking “Just one more episode.” The boy’s loyalty to each other and the horror they had been through broke my heart and resonated with me. I could relate to wanting your family back together so bad you’d do anything for it to happen.

Supernatural has helped me heal in so many ways. While I was married, I wasn’t really allowed to have friends or a life of my own. Most of the hobbies I had were the things he was interested in. I had given up all the things I held dear. One of those things was writing.

Ever since I was a small child I had been writing. When we were told to make sentences from our spelling words in school, I wrote stories. I took some writing courses later on in life but eventually I gave it up because it wasn’t something my husband understood and he wouldn’t give me the time to do it. I hadn’t been watching Supernatural long when I had the overwhelming desire to write a tag for an episode. (I had no idea it was actually called a tag at the time. I was just getting into all the fandom and fanfics, etc). I wrote my very first ever fanfic and I’ve never looked back.

I have made so many friends through this fandom and continue to do so. Quite a few of them I am hoping to meet in October at the Chicago Supernatural convention. And that will be another first for me. I’ve never been to anything like that, a city that big, or met people I’ve only talked to on the internet. I’m very excited.

I would love to be able to thank Eric, Jensen, Jared and the whole cast and crew for the wonderful job they do and for the opportunities they have given me. I’m not sure I could make them understand what I was saying because I’d probably be a blubbering mess. This show means that much to me because it has given me back my passion, it has given me so many awesome new friends and it has given me a purpose. That’s what Supernatural means to me.

Sorry for the long post but if you read it, bless you. :-)
# BagginsDVM 2010-06-24 13:40
It is fascinating to learn how everyone 1st discovered Supernatural!
I grew up with my nose either buried in a book or in front of the TV (or both!) since I was pretty shy as a child. Perhaps since my own midwest suburban American life was rather uneventful, I always gravitated toward stories of adventure - fantasy, scifi, westerns - that I didn't have in my own life. That meant my favorite TV shows were the original Battlestar Galactica, Magnum, PI, Simon & Simon (yay, Karen!), Airwolf, Highlander, MacGuyver, The Young Riders, all the Star Trek versions, & in the more recent decades, Stargate, Buffy, Angel, the X-Files, Roswell, Firefly, Farscape, Due South. Even better if those shows had hot guys, a cool car (or other mode of transportation) & a dog, horse or other animal.
I'd seen Jensen in Dark Angel & Smallville, & Jared in Gilmore Girls, so I was immediately intrigued to see them in a series together. And a 1967 Impala (she's the same vintage as me!)...oh, yeah, I was watching!
The show is so much more than eye candy, however. No other show among the many I've loved has so completely pulled me in & made me fall so much in love with the characters.
I've also never blogged about any other show, or met friends like I have here, & I cherish this!
# Jasminka 2010-06-24 16:11
joelsteinlover, faye, Haven, Karen, Yvonne, Holmes, rlwgsd, Sonya, Dawn, Cassi - wow, folks, I am honoured by your sincerity and trust!

I am happy to hear that you don't have a sad story to identify with - and I do hope that you won't have to experience anything in the neighbourhood of it anytime soon.

Thank you for sharing a glimpse of your relationship with your sister. And welcome again to this site, after a long search... your comments are always welcome as are you.

it seems that avoiding the show on purpose was a hard thing to hold up... ;-), and it's amazing how you related to the show... isn't it just wonderful that Alice created this site where we all find a place to talk about the show on a more or less sensible level with the occasional insane drool when the fangirl comes through but with enough respect to remain 'normal'...

what an amazing story - to choose a profession because you were inspired by a tv show... Believe me, I understand perfectly, as I was inspired to become an actress and singer after watching a movie, and I know what an impact that can have.

I once asked a very well known opera singer what he thought to be the most important thing for an aspiring singer, and he answered: 'Never lose your passion.' I think that holds true for any job that thrives on creativity. Keep your passion for writing, work hard on your skills and technique, and one day the one subject will come along that will enable you to move others.

Just make sure to let us know, so we can support you by watching or reading it. :-) The best of luck for you!!!

thanks for sharing this again, as some probably have not read it or don't remember... It appears to have been fate, eh, that your vcr died and you had to get a dvd player...? Hehehe,... there were supernatural powers at work, no doubt.

I agree that one of the major appeals of this show is the inspiration the story can give us - to never give up. While you might not have experienced the same atrocities they have, you have been though some other personal hell, and that probably was just as horrific.

Plus - we are dealing with a fantastic story, that is at times very Shakespearean, Poe-like or drawing on classic Greek tragedy... and folks like you or me who love a great book or poem can do nothing but be drawn to it.

I'm glad that you found this site and became a part of it with your comments and your kind words at another place, I am so moved by what you say.

it is such a wonderful gift to have your family, and I am happy that you feel so close to them, knowing you can draw strength from there when in need!

And don't worry about your English, dear guest from Venezuela, you're doing just fine!

don't worry about the posts - you had so say a few things and did so. That's quite alright, dear. It's incredible that you confirm what I've heard from other fans - that when you watch one episode you get hooked and end up getting all the other seasons available. Drug material, indeed.

And SamGirl/DeanGir l/JohnGirl/BObb yGirl... it doesn't really matter who one's favourite character is. Personally, I am more of a SamGirl, of course, pretty much everyone knows that by now, but I love Dean so much, too. It only works with the two of them. If I had to kick one out of the show - I would not be able to do that. Not ever. They are, in some sick fan way, family. One that we love to meet every week anew.

welcome to de-lurking, dear!

I am sorry to hear about the tough years you had to go through, working more than one job, taking care of a still very young kid, coping with a new chapter of life and finding a new purpose as well as a social circle must have been excruciatingly exhausting at times.

I am happy, though, that you rekindled your love for writing and found friends in this fandom! it means especially one thing: that you survived. Not only in body, but in soul. And the pain that you had to go through will turn out to be the strength you will be able to draw on should there ever be the need again (but I don't hope so, for your sake - I pray you will enjoy a time less stressful and painful).

If you can, tell the guest stars at the Con some of your story. I shared some of it with Jared in a little private moment and realized that he and it seems everyone loves to hear what this show they work on means to others... I hope you will find a moment to thank them.

it's so great that you found us, being an adventure loving gal, eh? This is also the first time for me to do any blogging (and the only place I do), and it' so much fun!

Please continue to come back - your thoughtful comments are highly appreciated!

perhaps it was not merely a coincidence to have found this show, what do you think? Being a big sister you might have been drawn to this by sheer instinct after having watched your first episode... and I can only agree - the mixture of various topics makes it very appealing, a cocktail I love my weekly dose of...

Thank you all again for your heartfelt comments.

Blessings to each and every one of you! Jas
# Evelyn 2010-06-25 00:28
Wow! It has been amazing to read all the stories of what draws us in to this little show called Supernatural. I started reading the stories earlier today, but had to stop halfway through because I was so moved by them, I had to stop and compose myself. Now I have just finished reading everything, and I am once again a blubbering idiot. Everyone's story is unique, personal and beautiful and I am grateful to be able to share with you our mutual love for this show.

My story is unique, but has many similarities to others. I started watching Supernatural from day one. Every new TV season I look at what new shows are being offered and I make a checklist of those shows that I want to watch. And this show was at the top of the list for fall of 2005. I loved it from the first scene. I loved Jensen and Jared, the premise of the show, the monster of the week and most importantly the family relationship. I loved the camaraderie between the brothers and especially adored Dean's snarkiness, his love for classic rock and classic cars.

I come from a big family. I am the youngest and only girl. Having only older brothers I have spent my fair share of time alone. My brothers always related with each other and did things together, but I always ended up being the odd man out, due to the fact that I was the youngest and a girl. Now we are all grown up and once again I find myself being the odd man out because all my brothers are married and I am still single. My brothers and I are close, but I wish and long for a deeper relationship with them. So, when Supernatural came on the air, over the years I could really relate to Dean and how his family is the most important thing to him and how he wishes that his family to be together again. That theme truly resonated for me and I remember having conversations with my parents during the first three seasons about Dean and Sam's relationship and how I long for having 1/10th of a relationship with my brothers that Dean and Sam have with each other.

Then Season 4 happened. I have always loved this show, but with Season 4 and Season 5 it has taken on a much deeper personal tone. When Dean came back from hell and over the next two years we started to watch him lose himself, to fall into the well of depression, suffering from PTSD and exhibit feelings of worthlessness, despair and hopelessness; these feelings were all too familiar to me.

Back about 15 years ago I had an earth shaking remembrance of being abused as a child. I had blocked out the memories of that abuse for many years, but they came flooding back into my memory on one fateful summer evening after having another countless argument with the individual that had abused me. I never knew why we fought so much, but I knew then. I still don't remember everything, my mind continues to block portions of that experience out (thank goodness), but I still remember enough that when this realization happened it completely destroyed me. I had an emotional breakdown. I retreated within myself, cut myself off from everyone and everything and just went through the motions of everyday life. All the little crutches that I had established to get me through hard times no longer worked. I felt worthless and on several occasions the emotional pain was so bad I just wanted to end it all. I fell into a deep well of depression that has taken me years to crawl out of. And crawl out of it I did. I am stronger now than I ever thought possible and I am now finally starting to enjoy life again and not just live it.

So, how does this relate to Supernatural? Well, in Season 4 when Dean started his slide down that same well of depression, I found a kindred spirit. One in which I could totally relate to and understand. All the little things he was feeling or going through, I had been there and I felt a deep love and empathy for him. Watching Dean suffer and how he dealt with his own trauma, PTSD, and depression in Season 4 and especially Season 5 has been kind of cathartic for me. I could totally understand when he got to the point of wanting to say 'Yes' to Michael. Although I did not want him to say Yes, and hoped that he wouldn't, I understood that pain, that ache, that hole in your soul that you would do anything not to have to feel that. Even if it meant saying 'Yes' to the archangel Michael and becoming his meat puppet. So, I love Dean for all that he is, flaws and all, and completely understand what he is going through.

I never sought out fandom before on any show. But I found myself halfway through S4 wanting to find others who had the same love for this show that I had. So I found some sites and became a lurker. Enjoying the posts and what others had to say, while still remaining safely anonymous. It wasn't until mid-Season 5 that I was finally able to break through the final protective shell I had built around myself and start to slowly share my own comments and thoughts. Yes, there were many other factors that have helped me get to this point, but watching this show and the love I have for this show and wanting to really share in that, is what helped me make the final breakthrough.

So, this show means a lot to me. I love Dean and Sam for the brothers they are and the bond they share and I so long to have the same kind of bond with my own brothers. And then Dean - I am a true Dean girl, through and through - my kindred spirit, my heart, my soul, what more can I say. These characters are so real to me and I thank Jensen and Jared for sharing with us their wonderful talents, opening themselves up to us as viewers, and for making these characters come alive each week. I know Dean and Sam are fictional, but yet, in so many ways they are just as real as you and me. So it is for these reasons and so many more that I absolutely, 100% LOVE this show. I look forward to Season 6 (and hopefully many more) to be able to share with you our thoughts and feelings about the lives and experiences of our two favorite brothers, Dean and Sam.
# Jasminka 2010-06-25 16:54
Evelyn, I am amazed at your brave soul. You told me about this before in a comment to another article, I believe, and I am happy that you decided to tell us this story and the kindred spirit you found in Dean.

I can relate in several ways, though I have been lucky - I was never abused as a child. But I had horrific experiences later on and coming out of it was a struggle.

It is wonderful that a tv show was able to inspire you in some ways - but, believe me: it was you who did the work to climb out of the pit. You found your courage, your strength. No one can do that for you. others can suggest, listen, ask the right questions, but it is you who does the work to get there. And you found a way to get through. I have always admired a survivor, because that's what you are.

I do pray you will have a great life without any of the pain you had to encounter so early in your life.

thank you for entrusting us with these personal memories.
# Evelyn 2010-06-25 19:32
Thank you, Jas, for your kind words and support. I appreciate them. Sending many **hugs** your way, because if you were here, that is what I would be doing right now. Yes, I have shared with you on previous articles some of my past experiences, but it wasn't until recently that I have been able to understand myself what it was about this past season that has meant so much to me and why I have been so affected by Dean's story.

Also, I would not have been able to share my story and experiences 2 years ago, or even 1 year ago - everything was still fairly raw, but this past year I have experienced a lot of tender mercies and miracles that have helped me along the way and I can now clearly relate my experiences with hindsight.

Yes, it has been a lot of hard work to get through my "experiences" but I am now thankfully on the other side and proud of myself for making it through. All of us, I am sure, have hard luck stories and experiences and we find ways in which to make it through them, to aide us in our struggle. I am very grateful for this little TV show and the ways in which it has helped me in my work to climb out of the pit.

Thanks again for your kind thoughts and prayers. It is my hope that we all can have joy and happiness in our lives. And watching Supernatural and sharing with others our thoughts and experiences, for me, is a small part of that joy in life.
Christine Apple
# Christine Apple 2010-06-26 10:21
Awhile ago I sent Alice an email about how I fell in love with Supernatural and thought I would post it here with everyone else's stories. She did post it in an article here a bit ago. I do want to apologize in advance for my long windedness (is that even a word? Spellcheck says no, but I think it should be.). But on the other hand one of the many reasons I love this site is because there are never any apologies necessary. But be warned this is a 2am sleepless night ramble. I did go through and fix some of the typos, but other than that this is how my Supernatural love story began.

I have been lurking here in the shadows of The Winchester Family Business for a while now. I thought it was time to bring myself into the light. We all have our stories of how we have become fans and fallen in love with our show and our boys. And after my third re-watch of "Swan Song" and the better than awesome narrative given by Chuck, I felt compelled to share my story with you.

On March 15, 2007, I was sitting in my bedroom. In the dark, alone, depressed and feeling very sorry for myself. You see, not only was I turning the big 4-0, but just 10 months earlier I had lost my husband and best friend of 12 years to a 4 year battle with cancer. Every year for the previous 8 years, we had spent my birthday week on a beach somewhere. There I was in the middle of Pennsylvania, in the middle of the dreary month of March, channel surfing.

Then I came across some show on a channel I never watched. A woman was running through the woods and I remember thinking, "this is gonna be good - she is gonna fall and whatever manner of psycho that's chasing her is gonna chop her up into little bits." To my surprise she ran into the road and this awesome '67 Chevy Impala came to a screeching halt inches from running her down. And in this beautiful car - 2 beautiful boys. (Remember I said I was depressed, not dead) "Roadkill" Humm....Sounds interesting, maybe I'll give it a try. The "short one" kinda reminded me of my husband, Joe. Tell it like it is, deep voiced, smart-ass, Marine type. My husband was a Marine. And the "tall one" seemed sweet, sympathetic and sincere. Also a side of my Joe not many people, besides me, got to see. Then "The House of the Rising Sun", by the Animals came on the car radio, and I was hooked. It was one of the many songs Joe use to sing to me all the time.

The next day I was on a mission to find the previous seasons of this show. I realized this was only season 2. So I bought season 1, and watched the entire thing in 2 days. So in a way, Sam and Dean saved Molly and me that day. She moved on into the light, and I took my first step back into the world of the living.

Now 3 years and 2 months later on May 13, 2010, I shared the 4th anniversary of my husband's death with our boys and my favorite aunt. Who BTW has become a big fan, and is always ready to reply "bitch" to my "jerk". As we watched "Swan Song" I thought of how far the boys
and I have come since that day in 2007. They were there in one of my darkest hours, and gave me something to look forward to each week. Yeah... I, like Becky, know it isn't real and I may sound a bit crazy, but sometimes "crazy is the only game in town". I've learned that in the end family is everything, and well.... isn't that kinda the whole point? But family don't end with blood.

So thanks to all of you - my Supernatural Family. Especially you Alice, for making this a place I can always come to when I need a smile, or just want to read intelligent commentary on our show, from people that love it as much as I do. Oh.... one last Thing. "Damn you Kripke...You Magnificent Bastard!"
# Jasminka 2010-06-26 14:15
Evelyn and boobula, this is indeed a place where we can entrust each other with personal images and memories.

Evelyn, I am happy that you apparently overcame so many difficulties, finding the right inspirations - it's a blessing when you are able to do so and find what you need to come through - thank you again for sharing this terrible story, and: hugs getting back your way! :-)

boobula - what a cute penname!

Of course I've read your story before and Alice shared it with me earlier, and I was so moved and want to thank you so much for putting it here, too.

I am profoundly sorry to hear about your great loss and I admire how you were able to get on. Having lost my mother to cancer I can imagine how hard it was to accompany your husband through that disease and losing the man I wanted to marry a while back I can relate to what it means to lose the man you love. It is as horrific as it gets, but you know that, don't you.

In situations like this it is crucial to find inspiration and a source for laughter despite the sometimes excruciating pain. And you were blessed to have your loved ones with you in your darkest hours. It is a gift.

And - believe me - there is no such thing as 'crazy' when it comes to mourning and surviving. Whatever helps us do that, is okay. And if is turns out to be a tad crazy, well, so what? To quote Dean: 'Crazy works!'.

Take good care and blessed be, Jas
Christine Apple
# Christine Apple 2010-06-26 20:48
Hey Jas, glad you like the penname... It is in fact what my favorite aunt (the one who watches Supernatural with me) calls me. That is when she isn't calling me "bitch"... You should see the look I get from her if my reply of "jerk" isn't timely enough for her taste! And my loved ones are truly a gift and I try not to take them for granted.

I am sorry to hear of all the loss that has been suffered by so many in our little Supernatural family. I do truly believe it is what makes us all stronger. One of the many things my husband used to tell me all the time was "Keep that sense of humor you are gonna need it." And those are words I try my best to live by.

I work with the public and as trying as that can be at times, my thoughts are, you just never know what these people are going through and what their life is really like, so if I can make one person smile, I have done my job for the day. And just one smile can be a blessing. I am not talking about the polite smile that says "I think that woman needs her meds adjusted", I mean the smile that is seen all the way to the eyes. Like the smile we get watching Jensen and Jared just being their silly selves. I have to admit my record for smiles is fairly good. If I have learned anything through this thing we call life, it is that our time here on this world is short, so we have to do our best to enjoy the gift of today, because we can never be certain of how many tomorrows we have left.

So take good care and blessed be, right back at ya!
# Jasminka 2010-06-27 04:47
boobula, my thoughts exactly - would you mind getting out of my cortex?! ;-)

It's how I try to get through my life, and I guess I didn't get into my profession for no reason, though there are moments when I hear someone sing an aria I used to sing and ask myself: what if...? But those moments don't last long. It's so rewarding when someone who has been suffering from horrible nightmares comes up one day, saying 'I don't dream that much anymore' and I did something to help here.

ANd I love to pay others compliments. JUst saying something nice to another person, smile at them at the counter of a store or in the street is sweet - and it mostly wins you a smile back. Isn't that just great?

Our time is short, as you have experienced it, so have I, though in another manner I believe, and you are absolutely right. We need to make the best out of every day. And on those days we might forget about this (when pain comes back with memories), I for one have some great friends who remind me of it - and I'm sure you have those too.

And - I love to hear how your gran loves the show! And how lovingly she named you...

more blessings right back at ya, :D, Jas
# alimac 2010-06-27 17:17
Hi I'm new here I've only just discovered this website and I think it's amazing! All the articles are so intelligent especially yours Jasminka, you must get this all the time but you write exactly what I try to articulate to myself but can't! And I love how you all are so supportive of each other, you don't get that much nowadays at least not in the uk!
Supernatural has contributed heavily to keeping me sane over these past months a friend leant me the season one boxset just after christmas, I have had pretty important exams and at times have felt terrified of failing and overworked and stressed, SPN helped me through those feelings providing an escape when my life felt insane. I have never had experiences anything like others who have posted here, and can i say I admire all your strength and courage so much and I'm glad this amazing show helped you all.
I have however experienced self esteem problems in the past and I can so relate to sam and dean's image issues and feelings of worthlessness. Sometimes applying to university has made me feel like I have placed my life in the hands of others so i also feel a connection to sam and dean's feelings of not being in control of their own lives
i have never experienced an attachment to any other tv show or book like I have to this one. I've been struggling with how much this show means to me because although I know perfectly well it is not real I feel such an attachment to sam and dean and I feel stupid to feel for them and the others characters like they are real people. I'd been feeling strange since I saw swan song on uk tv last wednesday, it was so wonderful but I was not sure how I felt about it and I was scared by how sad it made me feel and how I was thinking about it days after but this site helped me deal with my feelings and made me realise it is ok to feel like i do
thank you all, much love and sorry for the inarticulate rambling
Alice (another one!!)
# Jasminka 2010-06-27 17:56
Alimac, welcome to the site!! I'm happy you found this site and felt that we are able to give you something with our work here.

I am moved and honoured that you find some aspects of yourself in what I write in my articles and I thank you for it! I am always touched to hear about what moves others in what we or I write here.

I can imagine how painful it must be to feel 'worthless' and suffer from low self-esteem. I bet we all know how that feels - I know I do. And I remember well how nervous I was before I had to take my own exams while at university and afterwards. It can freak you out.

But you found a way to get through it and overcame the difficulties, didn't you. This show for one. But eventually, you found it in yourself, the show might have reminded you of it...
I love a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt,sayin g 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent'. How true. This always helps me when my self-esteem is hurt.

I don't think it a problem to feel attached to this show as long as we are aware that it's a show and not reality.
But the emotions are very real. And they can remind us of our own strength or own experiences. This is one great quality of the show - it is rooted inreality in terms of emotions, humanity, family ,experiences. And those undercurrents are universal.

thank you so much for commenting and sharing your thoughts.

Love Jas
# alimac 2010-06-28 12:42
thank you so much for your kind and generous thoughts you are so amazing!
I love that quote it's so true! I'm glad I found SPN and this site
I'm feeling much better now all round with regards to the show and my feelings towards myself, you are right in saying that what marks SPN out as a special show is how real and relatable the emotions are for everyone no matter who you are or what your experiences are
again thank you from the bottom of my heart
love ali