Embarking on describing why I love the younger Winchester turns out to not be as easy as I first imagined it. After thinking about what I love about Dean, it came only natural to say a word about Sam. Ah, Samâ€¦ There is some ridiculous quality to it, some pathetic element as well, when you say that youâ€™re in love with a fictional character.
Not really in love, kind readers, as I am still capable of drawing a line between the made-up story of a fabulous TV show and my own life rooted in reality, of course. But, somehow, I have often fallen kinda in love with fictional characters. I have loved several guys from novels or films, such as M.M. Kayeâ€™s Ash from TheFarPavillions, Star Warsâ€™ Luke Skywalker, the classic BattlestarGalacticaâ€™s Apollo, Dumasâ€™ Aramis or, just recently, Anne Fortierâ€™s Alessandro from Juliet. I think to some extent that makes me a freakâ€¦ but I love to feel passionately about a person, even an unreal one.
Sam is such a person I feel ardently about. And I think it happened silently, like a melody sneaking into my soul, so softly I hardly noticed it, and I was enraptured. So far I have spoken often about Sam and should you have read those articles you will have noticed how I feel about that character. Strangely enough those emotions change again and again, like a kaleidoscopeâ€™s colours, but still remain the same.
Those characters I have loved ever since I discovered the enchanting world of literature or film are united by some traits all of them have in common â€“ they are torn, tormented, wounded men (I wonâ€™t bore youwith which women of that fictional dimension I loved, as the article should be about Sam) who somehow find a way to overcome their destinies or threats and grow. Sam fits this design perfectly. And, of course, there is more to him as well.
I think I have related to Sam from the very beginning. I canâ€™t help it; I find a brilliant brain incredibly alluring. Sam is introduced as some kind of scholar, a highly intelligent man who pursues a life in law (which is one of the toughest studies altogether), who loves a nice young woman fondly but who is full of pain and, well, already then, anger. A man who never felt right where he grew up, and later he felt like a freak when he found out that he had been fed demon blood as an infant â€“ like a disease he wasnâ€™t able to cureâ€¦
Another Winchester who felt lonely almost all his life, just in another manner than his older brother. He felt that he didnâ€™t belong, and that can be a painful experience. For about the first third of my life I felt the same way. To my knowledge I havenâ€™t demon blood in me, but I grew up in Germany in a time when immigrants (like my parents) were not exactly liked and in school I, too, felt like I didnâ€™t belong. So I concentrated on learning, on gaining knowledge and I still love to do research for various topics.
In addition to that I had a complicated, yet loving relationship with my mother my whole life, sometimes in the neighbourhood of what Sam experienced with his dad. And finally, in her time of dying, we found a way to forgive each other and to be a family in the sense we love about this show. So perhaps, a part of my love for Sam Winchester might just be the parallels of experiences, well sort ofâ€¦ and I understood where he was coming from which drew me closer to him than I believed possible.
I have probably been some kind of freak all my life â€“ when the other girls fell for Han Solo, I was rooting for Luke Skywalker. When my best friend started drooling over Jack Sparrow I would have chosen Will Turner. Howâ€™s that for a freak?
There was a closeness to Sam from the beginning, and I couldnâ€™t think more fondly of him than I already do. The point is, I understood the guy deep inside and he touched me beyond description. It also didnâ€™t hurt that he looks like that, becoming more attractive with each year (with all due respect â€“ to my mind Jared Padalecki has never looked better than he does these days, getting older and being happy in his private life suits him well)â€¦
I admired that he had the courage to do what he felt was right for him, even leaving his family in order to become something else, to find another life, one of his choosing. And I was happy for him that he had given it a try. However, it was taken away from him. His blueprint for his life was taken by death â€“ and a plan designed by higher powers even before he was born.
To do that, go away I mean, takes a considerable amount of resolution and guts. He did it, at a high price. At the time it felt right to him, although he later found out that he had been wrong â€“ probably mostly because (in his mind) he was responsible for e.g. Jessicaâ€™s death. Finding out and admitting to having been wrong almost every time also requires some courage. How he discovered that he was meant to destroy the world and did not step on the path of destruction but did the opposite, still strikes deep chords in my soul.
A wounded soul such as his is a moving target, and the forces that be did their best to bring about Samâ€™s downfall, but he managed to remain standing in the end. He reminded me again that the only armour that truly defies the horrors of a world like theirs is love.And hope. Even when everything seems to be forlorn.
Heâ€™s decisive, sometimes moody, he will argue for what he believes in and speak unpleasant and inconvenient truths. Heâ€™s kind. Those puppy dog expressions arenâ€™t exactly bothering. Heâ€™s frightened and wounded but still tries to go on. He cares more about others than himself â€“ from the very beginning weâ€™ve seen him do thatâ€¦ standing between the wendigo and the new friends he wanted to protect, even though he hardly knew themâ€¦ reminding Dean of their inner motto to save people from evil when his brother was on the verge of losing hopeâ€¦ There are countless situations like this. And there is a tenderness to him we donâ€™t see often but which is exceptionally alluring (like in FreeToBeYouAndMe).
When I think of Sam Winchester I do it with a lot of melancholy, affection and respect. Heâ€™s a collection of imperfections inside and out and thatâ€™s what makes him incredibly attractive to me. On anintimate note, he also reminds me of someone I have loved and lost once, which might add considerably to my rooting for Sam and the sadness that accompanies it. But I would not want to change it for the world. This show has provided me with so much great moments while watching it and beyond that I have no words to describe it. Its characters have become a part of my life, and Sam in particular, his story, has made me remember that doors at last do open where darkness used to be. He found some of them. His fierce and stout heart is also one of a survivor. Sometimes in life we get to choose between the easy way and the right one. And that is often paved with painâ€™s many faces. Sometimes we stumble onto that eventually after having made wrong choices, but I believe itâ€™s hardly ever too late to turn. Nor for us, not for Sam. I like to believe that.
Again, there is more to it, dear readers, but that shall also remain unspoken â€“ instead Iâ€™d like to hand the torch over to you: what do you love about Sam Winchester?