Page 3 of 16
Most Batshit Crazy Plot of the Season (Perhaps Series)
I know what youâ€™re thinking, the entire â€œThe French Mistakeâ€ episode. Yeah, but that was an alternative universe and given the angel storyline, itâ€™s plausible. If Iâ€™m voting, itâ€™s Fairies.
Letâ€™s follow the WILDLY bouncing ball. People are disappearing in a small town. Aliens are responsible. The freakshow rides into town, and so does Sam and Dean.
â€œIf you want to add glitter to that glue youâ€™re sniffing, thatâ€™s fine, but donâ€™t dump your whackadoo all over us, weâ€™d rather not step in it. The only thing youâ€™re missing is a couple dozen cats sister.â€
Dean investigates the field alone while Sam tails a suspect. Dean calls Sam just in time to be chased down by the bright lights of an...alien starship?
Dean: CLOSE ENCOUNTER, CLOSE ENCOUNTER!!
Sam: Close encounter? First? Second?
Dean: THEYâ€™RE AFTER ME!
Sam: Better run man. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing.
Dean: EMPATHY SAM, EMPATHY!
Sam investigates Deanâ€™s disappearance (after taking time to finish his beer and check out waitresses) and finds the alien watchers' compound. The doctor on Star Trek Voyager presents him all sorts of sightings evidence, but no real clue on how to track down and hunt one.
Sam: So theyâ€™re real.
Wayne: Like I said, the truth is out there.
Sam: How do I get them? You hunt ETs, I need to know how to get them.
Wayne: You and me both (hands him papers).
Sam: My brother was abducted.
Sparrow: Your brother was abducted. Oh my God!
Sam: Itâ€™s fine, Iâ€™ve had time to adjust.
Sparrow: Did it happen when you were kids?
Sam: No, half an hour ago.
(Sam goes back to the paper)
Sam: So youâ€™ve been hunting UFOâ€™s for three decades now and you have zero data and no workable leads. Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting UFOâ€™s?
Dean does return though, firing his gun and waving his knife. He goes back to the motel room and...Sam is in bed with Sparrow the hippie chick.
After being overjoyed by Deanâ€™s return, she has to ask what it was like.
Dean: They were grabby, incandescent douchebags. Goodnight.
Sparrow: Too soon.
Once Deanâ€™s calmed down a bit, he tells Sam the story.
Dean: Well God help me, there was a bright white light...
Sam (putting his hand on Deanâ€™s knee): Itâ€™s okay, safe room.
Dean: And suddenly, I was in a different place, and there were these beings, and they were too bright to look at, but I could feel them pulling me toward this...table.
Sam: Probing table!
Dean: Donâ€™t say that out loud.
Sam: Right, so what did you do?
Dean: I went crazy. I started hacking and slashing, firing, they actually seemed surprised. (He shows a proud smile). I donâ€™t think anyoneâ€™s actually done that before. I had a close encounter Sam, and I won.
Sam: You should take a shower.
Dean: I should take a shower.
Naturally, this all results in Dean giving soulless Sam a lesson about how not to act when his brother disappears.
Sam: OK, look, brings up a question, so, say you got a soul, you're on a case, and your brother gets abducted by aliens.
Dean: You do everything you can to get him back.
Sam: You do. But what about when there are no more leads for the night--are you just supposed to sit there in the dark and suffer? Even when there's nothing that can be done at that moment?
Dean: YES. You sit in the dark and you feel the loss.
Sam: Yes, but couldn't I do all that AND have sex with the hippie chick?--it'd be in the dark.
Dean: NO! You'd be suffering, and you can't just turn that off for the night!
Sam: (Waitress comes over with the check and gets a come-hither look from Sam. Dean frowns at him). Why not?
Dean: Because if you had a soul, your soul wouldn't let you.
Sam: So are you saying, having a soul equals suffering.
Dean: Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.
Sam: The million times you almost called Lisa, so you're saying suffering is a GOOD thing.
Dean: I'm saying it's the only game in town.
Even in the safe haven of the motel room, Dean is not safe from the bright lights finding him again. A hilarious attack by a kung fu pixie and Dean's use of the microwave as a weapon, all to David Bowieâ€™s â€œSpace Oddityâ€ proves the culprit is not little green men.
Sam: What the hell was it?
Dean: It was a little naked lady, OK? A glowing, hot naked lady, nipple, and, she hit me (sulks).
Sam: I'm not supposed to laugh, right?
(Dean annoyed reaction says yes)
Sam: Shot in the dark here but did this little lady have wings?
Dean: What the hell made you say that?
Sam: She did, didn't she? One of the fringier theories I came across, what crazy crystal lady was yammering about, what if these abductions have nothing to do with UFO's? Say these encounters have been going on for centuries--extra-terrestrials with ultra-terrestrials? People nowadays say space aliens, but they used to call them (shows latpop to Dean).
Dean: Come on.
Sam: There's a straight line between ET's and fairies. Glowing lights, abductions, it's all the same UFO stuff, just under a different skin.
Dean: You seriously think the secret with the UFO's is--
Sam: You were the one who pizza rolled Tinkerbell. I'm just doin' the math.
So, it all comes back full circle to crazy cat lady from the beginning. Sam and Dean settle into her calico mobile home with their fairy size cups of tea and listen to the expert speak.
Dean: Why are the fairies abducting people?
Marion: There is much theory and little fact. We know they only take first-born sons, just like Rumpelstiltskin did. Personally, I think they're taken to Avalon to service Oberon, King of the Fairies.
Sam: Dean, do you service Oberon, King of the Fairies?
(Ignores Sam disdainfully) Dean: Let's say fairies are real--what can we do about them? How can we FORCEFULLY interact with them?
Marion: To win a fairy's favor, leave a bowl of fresh cream.
Dean: MORE forcefully?
Marion: All fairies hate iron. The Dark fairy burns when touched with silver. Spill sugar or salt in front of them; no matter how powerful, the fairy must stoop to count each grain.
Dean: Well alrighty. That's. . .wow, a lot to absorb.
Marion smiles. Dean thanks her. She urges them to finish their tea.
Dean (looking around the decor): I love the feel.
Sam: It's like Sedona AZ crapped in here.
Sam: Do you have bigger cups?
So how does it progress from there? Sam and Dean figure out the watchmaker brought the fairies to town to save his business, there are fairies working in the workshop, and alien dude is really a leprechaun orchestrating the takeover of the town. But none of that matters to the crowning pile of nuts on this mega sundae of bat shit crazy. Dean inadvertently attacks a midget thinking heâ€™s a fairy chasing him, and the guy turns out to be the town DA. As Sam and the watchmaker watches the cops haul a hysterical Dean away, he shouts to his brother his deep words of warning.
â€œFIGHT THE FAIRIES! YOU FIGHT THOSE FAIRIES! FIGHT THE FAIRIES!!â€
Even Ben Edlund didnâ€™t anticipate the scores of gay people reading this quote on Twitter and thinking it was an anti-gay slur! By the time Sam defeats the all powerful leprechaun just by emptying a salt round onto the floor, "Clap Your Hands If You Believe" without a doubt is the most bat shit crazy sequence of events ever to be done on this show. To think we didn't believe "Changing Channels" could be topped.