The fans have voted and made their voices heard, and now it's my turn! Time for the totally subjective, completely unscientific, purely for entertainment purposes (and perhaps designed to fuel lively debate) Winchester Family Business Editor's Choice awards. The editor being me.
The following categories are ones that I've done before in prior seasons' awards. As I've stated before, the winners have been chosen based on my bored mind who had a little too much time at work to overanalyze. Feel free to share your choices in the comments, tell me how wrong I am!
Sadly, there is one category that I've used every year since the awards began that I had to dismiss this year. Best Winchester Death cannot be awarded. I looked 800 kinds of sideways to see if anything came close. Dean in Purgatory was it, and I'm still not sure if that counts as being in the death category. It's more like displaced. There's no physical body left behind. Rather than ponder over technicalities, I omitted it.
Without further delay, here are the Editor's Choice winners.
The Best Appearance of Sam Winchester's Hair
"Defending Your Life"
I don't know what happened, but something went very right hair-wise in this otherwise extremely weak episode. Sam's hair was spectacular from beginning to end. If you're going to go with a completely ludicrious and poorly written plot, you might as well cut your losses and look fantastic doing it.
"Defending Your Life" even inspired a whole hair article for the episode itself, the first time that's ever happened. If half attention was paid to hair than the actual episode, it would have been a huge classic.
This isn't just the best appearance of Sam's hair, but this is the best I've ever seen Dean's as well. I vote for the longer look from now on! Just amazing.
"The Born-Again Identity"
Is it wrong of me to choose an episode with hair so bad it's good? Of course the hair is frazzled on purpose. Sam's having a mental breakdown! Couple that disheveled mess with a scruffy "too crazy to groom" beard and suddenly, insanity never looked so hot. And yes, I feel totally guilty saying that. Poor Sam had to really suffer to entertain me like this.
Worst Appearance of Sam Winchester's Hair
The winner is something completely new this year. Facial hair! Namely, Sam's ever-creeping sideburns in general. They really seemed to adopt a life of their own all season, and in some episodes they were just too hideous and distracting for words. Let's just call it facial hair gone very wrong. I once tweeted that eventually those two were going to need their own zip code. So which episode are the sideburns particularly bad? I don't know, I'll let you all decide.
"How To Win Friends and Influence Monsters"
"Adventures In Babysitting"
"Time After Time"
"The Girl With The Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo"
"There Will Be Blood"
"Survival of The Fittest"
Yeah, I know, pretty tough choice.
The Dean Winchester Most Outrageous Act of The Year
I do miss the days where there would be so many of these to choose from, I'd be debating for hours what constitutes "best." There's still a few, but there were three that stood out as prime candidates.
I did love that Dean acted like he was the only sane person in a world full of nuts in "Season 7: Time For A Wedding." It was his behavior that took that episode from "hopeless cause" to "barely watchable." Still, it doesn't have the epitome of what this award was meant to represent. What about his closet love and goofy lip synch to "All Out of Love"? Funny, but something else trumped it. Something else that not only was fun, but I do believe my hormones exploded in the process.
Zoot Suit riot!
I do love how Dean got in the spirit of things, throwing out Untouchables lines like that was really canon in the era. Just like last year's outrageous act winner, "Frontierland", poor Dean had to learn the harsh reality that what you see in the movies isn't real.
He played his part well, not only making the Fedora and Tommy Gun look like they never went out of style, but acting along like the tough Nazi basher he was setup to be. "Is that a German name?" It's amazing Dean could be so funny and at the same time look sooooo incredibly hot.
"Time After Time" just continued the belief we've had for a while now, Dean Winchester makes anything look good.
Best Gratuitous Scene
"The Slice Girls"
I know, there's only one clear winner by far. After seven freaking seasons, we FINALLY get a full length shot of Dean shirtless. To "You Shook Me All Night Long." As he was having some very rough sex with an Amazon woman who dominated him completely. Dreams can come true! The only mood killer, the weaving back and forth of that and a man being brutally killed by his hands and feet being cut off. I guess we have to take what we can get though, for these gratuitous moments are supposed to happen for the sake of story (that's the official line anyway).
"Season 7: Time For A Wedding"
Each brother has their moment in this episode, even if one involves me just being a sick puppy.
First, Dean is playing reporter. For whatever reason that I dare not question, he's wearing a tweed jacket and a wool sweater over that shirt and tie. Holy mother of God! Why hasn't he tried this before and when do we get to see this look again?? I'm shouting at you really loud costume department!
As for Sam, even though I was totally mortified for him, why did I totally dig him tied to a bed? It's yet another dream coming true (I know, a very twisted one). I stopped short though at enjoying him being gagged with a kitchen rag, for that pushes me into fetish territory. Lucky for us, Becky didn't take advantage. That would have turned twisted into vomit inducing.
Honorable, Honorable Mention
"Of Grave Importance"
This COULD have been the winner, or at least tied with the winner, if the editors weren't so skimpy with the details. Oh, I weep over this missed opportunity. For the first time since season three, a Dean Winchester shower scene.
He puts on a t-shirt and then wraps a towel around his waist? Okay, but could we have at least seen the towel? The best we get is a foggy mirror. Rats.
Even though the leviathan fizzled out and didn't turn out to be all that scary in the second half of the season, in the first half, there was one leviathan that so deliciously evil that I was both elated and scared to see him on my TV.
Chet the Leviathan was very smart, cocky, snarky, very funny, and the most evilest bastard of them all. There are those that could debate Edgar was more evil, but he was just more chilling. Chet had the whole package. Just look at some of his lines:
"Plain old people taste fine, but everything is better with cheese."
"Well I definitely know you. You're the dead guys. Well, you will be in a minute."
"So you just going to touch me in the morning, then just walk away?"
I was almost really sad when it was on Chet that Bobby figured out that Borax burned levithan very bad and they could chop off their heads and keep them separated from the body to disable them. I said almost. So what's my favorite scene with Chet? For some bizarre reason, it's him driving in "Shut Up, Dr. Phil" while playing "See The Funny LIttle Clown" by Bobby Goldsboro on the radio. My folks used to play Bobby Goldsboro on the 8-track player when I was little. It just made me die! Or better yet, I'm dying on the inside.
I'm hoping he'll have enough material to win this category in season 8, but welcome back Alpha Vamp. It's so nice to see you in your natural habitat. You're looking fine!
I really like how we got to see some different monsters this year, like a kitsune or vetala, even if the episodes were total crap. It goes to show there are still plenty of monsters going around.
How about though the show ixnay with the over the top Egyptian Gods? Osiris, an obscure God at best, decides to wield his power by hanging out in apple orchard barns in suburban Michigan? Putting people on trial because of internal guilt? Finding said people in a bar? Isn't that like shooting fish in a barrel? It's one thing when the character is badly written (not to mention the episode in general), but when the actor hams it up as well, as if he's Q on Star Trek: TNG, it's just a major fail all the way around.
Best Torture of a Winchester
Normally I'm debating over the constant horrible situations that the brothers have experienced this year and having a hard time choosing. This year, no contest. Sam Winchester just went through the absolute worst this year. The question is, which form of torture by Lucifer was the absolute worst?
Telling him he was still in the cage and the reality he saw wasn't real?
Keeping him awake and letting him think he was burning?
Singing "Stairway to Heaven" over and over again? (A personal favorite of mine)
Or driving Sam so bad to the brink that he digresses into a vegetative state, unable to comprehend Lucifer's rendition of "The Three Little Pigs?"
All so bone chilling, but honestly, nothing was worse for Sam than having to be married to Becky Rosen. Lucifer was a walk in the park. I honestly think Sam was using that as a comparison when enduring everything Lucifer threw at him.
"Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie"
This is easy for me. There's only one clear winner. Probably because I think "Yellow Fever" has one of the best teasers ever. This time, instead of a terrified Dean running for his life, it's Sam. Whatever is after Sam, it has him really freaked. He's hiding behind the truck, talking himself through this terrifying ordeal. "If it can bleed, you can kill it." Good going Sammy, you're all set. Now it's time to see if whatever's chasing you is still there. Oh yes, still there. Its Sam's worst nightmare come true. It's...
He runs only into a nearby garage only to find...
...another clown. Things are looking desperate for poor Sammy. I'm too busy laughing over how such a tough guy can unravel so fast over dudes with colored wigs and face paint.
"Reading Is Fundamental"
I loved what happened in the beginning of this episode. Yes, it was a little long and you did wonder why an Asian teenager is fretting over a college entrance essay after his exquisite cello practice, but as soon as they get to the gist, Sam and Dean freeing the tablet they got an episode earlier from its stone incasement, I was enamored. Especially after Dean made the first strike, a lightening storm appeared. "Does that sound like "˜No, wait, stop' to you?" I do believe it does, Dean! They continue anyway, and poor Kevin Tran gets his epiphany via a personal lightening strike just for him. Those damn Winchesters are always taunting God and his rituals, aren't they?
A lot of episodes this season went for the innocent getting killed horrifically, often followed by the trademark bloody mess and/or spatter. "Out With The Old" did it with a ballerina dancing her feet off, "Defending Your Life" had a guy being hit by a car in his own house, "Shut Up, Dr. Phil" showed a woman's brain explode in a beehive hairdryer, "How To Win Friends and Influence Monsters" had the gruesome end of the "glamper", "The Mentalists" featured a fake psychic getting her throat slashed by her own ouija board, I mean mystical talking board, piece, "The Slice Girls" showed a man brutally butchered by having his hands and feet cut off and something weird carved into his chest, and "Party On, Garth" went for the weak slasher in the woods gimmick. So which one of these did Iike the least? How about we call it draw?
Nah, leave off the glamper. I found that whole concept rather funny, cause I am one.
Best Location For An Episode
How many seasons have we waited for an episode in Las Vegas? The episode may have sucked, the premise may have really, really sucked, and the execution may have sucked beyond the maximum threshold of suckage, not to mention they were only in Vegas the first ten minutes, but still, IT'S VEGAS! Dean's in a strip club in Vegas! Sam and Dean meet at A Little White Wedding Chapel in Vegas! (Hold your dream slash stories to yourself). They have an annual trip to Vegas! Wait a second, why haven't we seen the other six? Crap, that was an elation killer.
Hear me out, Jeremy Carver. I want the Grand Canyon in season 8. That is all.
Best Acting By An Inanimate Object/Being
"How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters"
Considering the Impala was in hiding for most of the season and has already earned a Badass Award, I'm giving this one to the Turducken Pepperjack Slammer sandwich. Stoned Dean is a fun concept, but it happening because of a meal choice at Biggersons? Classic. Yes, I know, eventually it all turns into a heavy handed slam against corporate monsters and the poor eating habits of most people in the US, but for this one glorious episode, grey ooze was never funnier.
"I think you pissed off my sandwich."
Most Awkward Winchester Family Moment
"Of Grave Importance"
I can honestly say, when you're waiting around for your lunch date to appear, perhaps that's not the best time to start talking about past encounters with the woman. Physical encounters, that is. Especially when it was mentioned first that she slept with your father figure. At least Sam had the "I was soulless" cop out. Just imagine what would have happened if Annie actually showed! Her death got her out of some explaining to do.
Most Ludicrous Plot Straight out of Fan Fiction
"The Slice Girls"
There have been a few plots this year that make you think the writers ran out of ideas and started trolling through fan fiction sites, but none is more obvious than "The Slice Girls." So what about the episode/plot makes me think that?
Dean having a one night stand? No. That used to be a norm, and it was exciting to see him do that again.
Dean getting said woman pregnant? We're getting warmer.
Dean's daughter being born 36 hours later, growing into a teenager and being ordered to kill him within a couple of days? Oh, we're almost there. Something's missing though.
"Uncle Sam" has to murder Dean's daughter to protect his brother? DING, DING, DING, DING, we have a winner!!!
The only difference between this ep and fan fiction is that Sam and Dean would have hopped into bed together and cuddled after the whole ordeal in fan fiction land. After all, they did have the lovers quarrel at the end. I kid, I kid!! Plus, the network does have some standards.
Best Skin Crawling Moment
The Leviathan were supposed to be scary. They were supposed to be the worst foe ever and assured horrible doom for us all. Sam and Dean had to abandon everything to avoid these people, including being cloned by them and put on the most wanted list, killing innocents wherever they go. However, that all fizzled in the second half of the season.
One being actually turned out to be far more terrifying that the leviathan, and he wasn't even real! Lucifer proved that once and for all, you cannot get more frightening that Satan. Out of all the mental torture he subjected Sam to, nothing rips me to shreds worse than the end of "Repo Man." When Sam realizes that the hand trick won't work anymore and Lucifer won't let him sleep, that's horrible enough for him. Throw in "Good Morning Vietnam!", evil laughter and a burning bed, poor Sam's doom is sealed. I'm freaking out just thinking about it. Is that what happened to poor Sammy in Hell?
Best Inside Joke
I really wouldn't call this an inside joke as much as really fun behind the scenes stuff. The night that "Shut Up Dr. Phil" aired, a bunch of us were in Chicago for the annual Salute to Supernatural Convention. Jared was there for a rare Friday visit (even making a brief appearance at karaoke) and watched the episode live with Guy Bee. Guy even took pictures! Emo boy lives!
Coming up next, the Special Mention Awards, aka, silly categories that I feel like making up.