Summer hellatus is so bittersweet. We stare down the prospects of spending the next four months of our lives clinging to repeats and over-speculating like mad over a faint clue about season six that someone leaked on Twitter. Yet, this is also one of my favorite times of year, because I get to do the season end awards! This is my third year in a row and I've gone all out this year.  It's just me living my philosophy, go big or go home. Of course my other philosophy is never turn down that second piece of pie, so maybe my philosophical prowess needs some work.
As I stated last year at this time, awards are meaningless. They're trite attempts at giving relevance to a body of work just for the sake of boosting egos or justifying paychecks. So why reduce this epic season to such rubbish like I shamelessly did for previous seasons? The reason hasn't changed.  I had to do something to pass the time at work.   
(Season Four Awards)
(Season Three Awards)
(Season Two Awards)
(Season One Awards)
Using many of the same categories as previous years as well as introducing some new ones, here are in no particular order the totally subjective and often just plain nuts best, worst, and whatever of Supernatural season five. 

Best MOTW (Monster of The Week)

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Crowley. He was around for three episodes but managed to be boat loads more fun than any other demon we've ever seen. Sure he's evil, has an agenda, and said agenda is probably underworld domination at expense of the Winchesters, but as long as he carries out his scheming with those flamboyant homosexual tendencies, his love of a fine scotch, his deal confirming iphone and those expensive Italian suits, I'm cool with the dastardly plans to rule the world. At least he'll look great doing it. 


Worst MOTW


Leshi, aka Little Bastard, Abraham Lincoln, the non-fruitarian Mahatma Gandi, and in a strange leap Paris Hilton. But it's a good bad. Its nice to see an A-list socialite heiress play along with the joke, even if the plot was thinner than the lady herself. It certainly makes the case that Wax Museums don't belong in Canton. They attract all sorts of freaks. 

Most Humiliating Moment

Most of these belong to Castiel. Let's face it, the fallen angel learned some humility from cell phones, whoopie cushions, hookers, and coma induced by his failing angel zapping abilities.  

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However, the blue-eyed angel only earns honorable mention.  The prize goes to Sam, body swapped into the worst fast food uniform ever. They make them that big? I want a job in that costume department.
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Best Appearance Of An Aging TV Icon

I'm still holding out for Lee Majors (season six or seven?) but in the meantime, snagging Chad Everett as the older Dean Winchester was just plain inspired. He had Dean down perfect. Jensen at the Chicago Con last year had nothing but praise for the man and what he put into the role as did Jim Beaver, who was the perfect companion for the "Grumpy Old Men" angle.  It also made for the best old person jokes.   Sam:  You look like-  Older Dean:  The old chick from Titanic I know, shut up.  Sam:  I was going to say Emporer Palpatine.
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Best Opener


"99 Problems."  This is probably one of the best teasers in the entire series. It opens with a manic moment right of the bat, the Impala being pushed as hard as she goes with Dean behind the wheel, and a bleeding Sam sitting next to him telling him to go faster when it's clear they can't. Enter the fiery roadblock and then demons yanking them out through newly broken windows (poor Impala!). That opens up the golden opportunity to be saved gallantly by a Sci-fi icon. Yep, what a way to open an episode! Too bad it turned out to be the only excitement in the entire hour. It felt like a Smallville episode. 

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Worst Opener

I wouldn't call this necessarily the worst as much as the most...disturbing.  Starcrossed virgin lovers eating each other?  Blood, chewing on rubbery flesh and everything?  WTF Ben Edlund?  Yes, "My Bloody Valentine" lived up to its reputation right off the bat.  Oh, that's right. Edlund had to start something that Jeremy Carver and then Andrew Dabb and Daniel Loflin inexplicably managed to top in the following episodes. You're all sick bastards. We love you.

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Best Acting By The Impala

Whoo hoo!  Dean's baby gets a real meaty role, and in the coveted finale nonetheless.  She saves the world from destruction!  It ends up being her that gets through to Sam so he can overtake Lucifer, not Dean.  She rocks! The most important object in the history of the world indeed. None of us are surprised and all of us couldn't be happier that the old girl got her due.  We even got her long awaited backstory.  All hail the beauty from Wisconsin! 

Best Acting From An Inanimate Object Other Than The Impala

Action figure Castiel, complete with kung fu grip for that tiny little knife. After all, authenticity is a must. Even Sam couldn't resist playing with him.  Action Cas is infectious!

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Best Quote 

Just like last season, this year's winner comes from an inspired Dean Winchester rant. This one though is especially ballsy, and every bit as hysterical.
"Calm down? I'm wearing sunglasses at night. You know who does that? No talent douchebags. I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop show and you want to know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There's like 300 on television, they're all the freaking same. It's like, 'oh...a plane crashed here.' Oh shut up!"
Honorable mention:  Dean again. "Awesome. Another Horseman. Must be Thursday."

Angstiest Brotherly Moment

This is always such a rich category and this year in no exception. The brotherly drama was intense but there was one epic, nail biting brotherly exchange, you can't top. It doesn't even come from the parting scene in the finale, although that scene comes close enough to be the Honorable Mention.  The winner features a wounded and crushed Sam gazing at Dean in dismay when his big brother tells Zachariah "yes" in "Point of No Return." When that one look causes Dean to renege on the deal, resulting in the "Hell yeah!" wink that charged up fans a thousand notches, a brotherly moment for the ages is born.  I stopping breathing in that scene.


Best Winchester Brother Death

Wow, so much to choose from, once again. So much for Kripke's comment about being done killing Winchesters. Sam in "Sympathy For The Devil" (No, when you're out of air it's not passing out, it's death), future Dean in "The End," Sam in "Song Remains The Same," Sam and Dean in "Dark Side of the Moon," and Sam again in "Swan Song." 
They were all pretty intense and Sam's death in "Dark Side of The Moon" while Dean watches with absolute horror is jaw-dropping drama, but from a death perspective two shotgun blasts to the chest are pretty quick and effective, even if it resulted in one pretty corpse. I'm going with Sam's death in "Song Remains The Same" because it's so long, dramatic and somewhat Oscar worthy. Plus the visual effects guys really put some effort in getting the blood to pour out of the pipe.  There was a nice healthy pool of blood on the floor before Michael rescurrected him.
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Most Gruesome Injury
No doubt at all this year! Dean looking worse than elephant man in the finale after Samifer beat the crap out of him. Damage like that to that gorgeous a face is crossing a big line Kripke! Major kudos to the makeup department for making something so pretty look so bad.

Best Puppy Dog Moment

Let's face it, Sam was one royally kicked puppy this season.  His "puppy dog" eyes were finally acknowledged too when Dean told him in "The Real Ghostbusters" to convince the actress to help them by giving her the puppy dog eyes.  However, there's only one winner this year.  I've never seen a more hurt look than when demon!Bobby chews him out in "Sympathy For The Devil" after he admitted starting the apocalypse.  I've never wanted to hug the puppy more.


Most Batshit Crazy Moment In The Entire Series

  You know what it is!!  Let's sing along. 

Town to town, two lane roads

Family business two hunting bros

Living a lie just to get by

As long as we're moving forward there's nothing we can't do

Together we'll face the day

You and I won't run away

When the demons come out to play

Together we'll face the day...

Kripke you magnificent bastard.  Coming up in parts two and three, so much more.