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Gabe goes on, saying that doesn't make him any less right about Lucifer and Kali things he's lying because he's a spy. Fine bitch, learn the hard way. Gabe tells the truth, he's not a spy, he's a runaway. "I'm trying to save you. I know my brother Kali. He should scare the living crap out of you. You can't beat him. I've skipped ahead, seen how this story ends." She's too pigheaded, saying it's his story, not theirs. Wanna bet? "Westerners, I swear the sheer arrogance. You think you're the only ones on earth? You pillage and you butcher in your God's name. Oh but you're not the only religion, and he's not the only God. And now you just think you can rip the planet apart? You're wrong. There are billions of us and we were here first."
You know, she has a point and normally I would accept this with sympathy and support, but it's so poorly made here and useless considering the cold hearted bitch plunges the blade into Gabriel. "If anyone gets to end this world, it's me." Oh yeah babe, great way of proving that you are so much better. I swear, with powerful and really shallow Gods like this having followers, the planet does deserve a bit of a torching, don't you think? She's making Lucifer look like a saint in his plan to destroy life on earth. Of course Gabe looks at her like "How could you?" but he's too busy flaming out in the white light to continue. Sam and Dean watch with horror, realizing their one hope at killing Lucifer is gone.
Oh, but is he? I don't see those dark angel wings around. Yes, I picked up on that pretty quick. Kali looks sad, but it's way too late for that bitch. Lucifer's gonna be pissed. Not at Gabe being dead, but just at you existing. Mercury thinks the idea of killing an archangel is crazy. Kali realizes archangels can die and she can kill Lucifer. Think again! Do your angel killing homework babe. Man, there's never been a point where I've wanted to see the Devil more.
Dean sees enough, and says exactly what we're all thinking and pay attention, this is one of two very worthwhile scenes in this episode. He stands up. "Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up." Ha! About time someone said that. Sam looks at him with alarm. "Are you out of your mind?" Come on Sam, you both are screwed, lighten up. "I'm out of options," he says in a low voice to Sam. "Now, on any other given day I'd be doing my damndest to kill you. You filthy murdering chimps. But hey, desperate times. So even though I'd love nothing better than to slit your throats you dicks, I'm gonna help you." It's so funny, he's got this shit eating grin when he's facing them, then he turns around to get a drink and his expression changes to "what the fuck am I doing?" Good ole Dean.
Dean says he's going to help them ice the Devil. Sam of course takes this news with complete disdain. Come on Sam, play along. "And then we can all get back to ganking each other like normal." He gets plenty of stares, but still has everyone's attention. "You want Lucifer? Well, dude's not in the yellow pages." Dean has them eating out of his hands while Sam is squirming like crazy, not loving this plan one bit. "Me and Sam, we can get him here." Kali wants to know how. Dean won't tell her until the "main courses" go. Clever Dean, clever. "We can either take on the Devil together, or you lame ass bitches can eat me."
Bwah!!! Finally, I'm enjoying something from this episode. The looks on Dean and Sam's faces are just too good. Dean finishes when what he just said has sunk in. "Literally." Okay, finally a scene to save this episode from "Bugs" status. I'm dying here! However, that would have been way better if Sam had faked to the others a supportive "listen to the man" look and then turned to Dean with an "are you fucking crazy" expression. However, at this point, I'll take what I can get.
A ton of people start running from the motel for their freaking lives with Dean running them off. I know some cultures like the cleaver wielding Chinese dude are into human sacrifices, but Hindus? Aren't they like Vegetarian or something? I didn't think Norse Gods were that way either. It just goes to show my ignorance with these sorts of things. Dean stands outside next to the Impala and what do you know, Gabe is in the back seat going, "Psst, Dean." I knew he wasn't dead! He is after all the Trickster. He knows how to fake death. Which is why I don't get how Kali was tricked so easily.
Gabe tells a disbelieving Dean not to look at him, act natural and get in. "There's nothing natural about this at all. I thought you were dead." You're so right Dean. Gabe can't believe Dean would think he would give Kali his real sword. "That thing can kill me." They have a fake made out of a can of diet orange slice. Alright, whatever. Gabe wants him to snag their blood. He heard Dean in there. Kali likes him. She has a thing for dicks. He wants him to get the blood and they vamoose.
"No," says Dean. He wants Gabe to hand over the real blade. "Better yet, why don't you sack up and help us take down Lucifer." Gabe can't believe he's serious. "Since when are you butt buddies with a bunch of monsters? That's all they are to you, aren't they?" Dean thinks Sam was right. Its nuts but it's the best idea he's heard. He asks for a better one from Gabe but doesn't get one. Gabe is ready to get out of there and let "those lemmings run off a cliff." Dean instead calls out Gabe on his smart ass show of not caring but he does, for it takes one to know one. That is so true!
"Maybe those freaks in there aren't your blood, but they are your family." Gabe wisely points out they just stabbed him in the heart. They're better than your real brothers Gabe. Dean agrees but knows he still gives a crap about them. Gabe doesn't argue. Dean says they're gonna die in there without him. "I can't kill my brother," Gabe says. Yeah Dean, listen to the man. You of all people should relate. No, instead Dean asks "Can't or won't?" Huh? They have a stare down. "That's what I thought." Dean leaves. Come on Dean. You're better than this. Why in the world would you expect Gabe to kill his brother? Offer to do it instead. You've got the angel killing mojo thing going. I feel that out of character word coming on againâ€¦Bazinga!
Back to Kali and Baldur with Sam. Kali is skeptical he can summon Lucifer. "Sort of. I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs and he'll come running." "Breaking them would be easier," Kali says. Sure, but that won't get Lucifer there. Sam is acting way too nervous BTW. Come on Sam, follow Dean's lead. Show a little swagger. I know you can do it. Dean walks in to spare Sam any more strife. He tells them the sword's a fake and Gabe is still kicking. "I hate to break it to you sister but you've been tricked." This stuns both Sam and Kali. At last! Some vulnerability on this bitch. Someone rings the bell at the front desk and Mercury greats him. "Checking in." Wait, I know that voice. It's Lucifer! Lucifer in one rotting meat suit. I'm sure he's really anxious to see Sam.
Mercury thanks Lucifer for coming. Oh you stupid bastard. Lucifer tells him he was right for calling and Mercury says the talk in there isn't going so well. Lucifer is in a grumpy mood. Must be the decaying flesh. "You know, I never understood you pagans. You're such petty little things. Always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us." Okay, when the person making the most sense all episode is Lucifer, something is wrong. Or right. I haven't figured that out yet. "You are worse than humans. You're worse than demons. Yet you claim to be Gods." He takes out Mercury in a neck snap with one flick of the finger. He so had that coming.