Now: Oh boy, this must be a "Monster of The Week" episode. Weâ€™re starting with two tools that have â€œabout to dieâ€ written all over them. One very enthusiastic guy has something to show the other guy. He uncovers the sweet looking Porsche, but I donâ€™t â€œooh and ahâ€ over it like these guys because Iâ€™m not a big foreign car enthusiast. I would have been more impressed with a classic American convertible. You know, James Dean might still be alive if he was driving a longhorn Cadillac. Think about it.
Anyway, itâ€™s Little Bastard, or one damn good replica. The one guy is now a puddle of goo over it. The other guy admits he paid a lot for it, but the numbers match. He gets in the car and we so know heâ€™s about to become toast. Bloody toast. The other guy fetches the video camera and while he does he hears and engine revving and squealing of tires. He goes back in with camera rolling and his friend is dead like James Dean, head smashed in high impact into the corner of the broken windshield. Blood rolls down the logo â€œLittle Bastard,â€ which makes no sense to me since thatâ€™s the back of the car and the dude was bleeding all over the windshield. Hmm, I smell a title card coming.
Sam and Dean are in the Impala and this is where I have to mention Iâ€™m really pissed at my local affiliate. Yes WWHO channel 53 in Chillicothe, Ohio, Iâ€™m talking to you. For three weeks now, weâ€™ve had nothing but problems with the HD feed with both The Vampire Diaries and Supernatural. The Vampire Diaries has been so bad Iâ€™ve had to watch it online later because the sound is out for most of the episode. As for Supernatural, no HD, and this week an annoying â€œFlood Warningâ€ that has obstructed my already squashed view of the Winchesters. No wonder these local stations are swimming in red ink. Youâ€™re encouraging us to go online for our viewing! Which I totally did BTW. Screencaps today are courtesy of Amazon Video on Demand and their incredible HD streaming. I highly recommend going this route for all your Supernatural episode needs. When ordering, make sure to click the Amazon advertisement on this site so I get credit for the sale. Proceeds go toward my lunch money.
Itâ€™s night, so itâ€™s time for one of those brotherly conversations. Sam doesnâ€™t get why theyâ€™re taking this job. Dean is fascinated with the idea that the dude suffered a head on collision in a parked car. Itâ€™s worth checking out. Okay, whatever floats your boat. Sam points out theyâ€™ve got bigger problems right now. Dean thinks the apocalypse can wait. Theyâ€™ve been looking for the colt for three weeks and have â€œbupkis.â€ Gotta love it when a normal white guy like Dean uses Yiddish terms. Sam thinks the plan is to â€œice the devil.â€ You only want that now Sam because Lucifer is ready to put you on like a priceless fur coat. Dean pulls rank and declares theyâ€™re doing this, end of discussion. Sam scowls, but says nothing, kind of like what he always does.
Dean says this is their first real case back at it together. They need to ease into it, put the training wheels on. Sam of course is instantly offended, â€œSo you think I need training wheels .â€ Dean is quick to say â€œWe, we need training wheels, you and me as a team.â€ Sam scowls some more. Or broods. I canâ€™t tell the difference half the time. Dean sees that Sam isnâ€™t happy about this, so he tries one more time. â€œI really want this to be a fresh start for both of us.â€ Sam says okay and they move on.
Canton, Ohio! I guess I gotta love anything that takes place in Ohio, but Canton? Ooookay. I suppose if they were going to pick a place with a loser wax museum and bumbling cops, Canton would be ideal. So would have any single municipality in this state. Weâ€™re all the same. Anyway, Sam and Dean are agents Bonham and Copeland. If you remember, Dean already used John Bonham in â€œScarecrow,â€ although Stewart Copeland of The Police? Is this supposed to be some sort of dream percussion duo? If so, I would have picked Bonham and Moon. Anyway, theyâ€™re in suits, looking fine as usual, and theyâ€™re doing the FBI thing.
The sheriff announces they already came a long for nothing since they caught the guy. It was the friend of the guy killed, the one with the camera. Oh, this isnâ€™t one of these incompetent local cops stories again, is it? Itâ€™s getting so clichÃ©. Yes, thatâ€™s exactly what it is. The guy was at the scene of the crime, it had to be him. Sam points out they were best friends, but the clueless sheriff points out itâ€™s usually someone they know. Iâ€™m trying to remember if this thing called evidence was required. Maybe Canton is different. Dean doesnâ€™t believe the friend could have slammed his friend into the windshield at 80 mph. The cop says drugs. I give up.
Sam and Dean talk with innocent friend and get the straight story. He was in the house at the time but didnâ€™t see it. He heard it. Tires squealing, glass breaking, all that stuff. He heard about the curse but he didnâ€™t believe it. The curse? Little Bastard. That gets Deanâ€™s attention. â€œAs in the Little Bastard.â€ Sam doesnâ€™t understand, so Dean fills in the blanks. Thatâ€™s James Deanâ€™s car, the one he was killed in. His friend and him had been looking for it for years. â€œOh, we are definitely checking this out,â€ Dean tells Sam.
Theyâ€™re in the garage looking at this car and Sam asks if this is Christine. â€œChristine is fiction. This is real.â€ Oh, there we go blurring the lines of fact and fiction again. First The X-Files and now this. Sam wants to know the history. Dean explains after the accident James Deanâ€™s mechanic bought the wreckage and fixed it up and it repaid him by falling on him. Then thereâ€™s something about Tony McHenry taking it on the racetrack and buying it, so the point is death follows this car everywhere. Nobody touches it and comes away in one piece. It vanished in 1970. Sounds like a nice urban legend that can be debunked on the internet. Deanâ€™s convinced if this is really the car, it killed the guy. Sam wonders how they find out. The VIN number matches, but not the engine number. That can only be found on the engine.
Sam and Dean, now with coats off stare at the car. Sam offers to do it, but Dean insists he will. Heâ€™s pretty freaked out about it though. He talks sweet to the car and rolls under it while the creepy soundtrack of doom plays. Heâ€™s clearly nervous. He hears creaking and freaks out, but the jacks hold. Sam suddenly appears asking if he needs a flashlight, but Dean just gives him an anxious â€œjust go away.â€ Sam says okay and is told to not even look at her, she might not like it. Oh Dean, youâ€™re being such a pussy.
Sam waits looking unimpressed, while Dean scratches off the engine number on a piece of paper, jumping over more creaking noises. He gets it and slides out quickly, as if he was running from danger within an inch of his life. Iâ€™ll say it again. Pussy. Sam watches Dean blankly, not buying into the carâ€™s legend at all. Dean hands him the paper and tells him to find the owner, going all the way back to 1955. Sam, not believing what heâ€™s being instructed to do, mentions thatâ€™s a lot of research. â€œWell, I guess I just made your afternoon.â€
Next scene Dean in a bar hitting on a waitress who wants to be an actress with the whole â€œIâ€™m an agentâ€ act and oh please. Isnâ€™t Dean past this stuff by now? At least heâ€™s current enough to use the post merger name William Morris Endeavor. I think because Jensen is a client of theirs. Phone goes off and itâ€™s Sam. He traced the previous carâ€™s owners. Sam then hears the crack of a pool table and realizes Deanâ€™s in a bar. Dean denies, saying heâ€™s in a restaurant that just happens to have a bar. I think this part is supposed to show brotherly conflict, for Sam strangely protests about the fact that heâ€™s been working all afternoon while Deanâ€™s in a bar. Dean doesnâ€™t care. â€œWorldâ€™s smallest violin pal. I just spent the afternoon up Christineâ€™s skirt.â€ Oh Dean, youâ€™re using the worldâ€™s smallest violin line on Sam? Sounds like it should be playing for both of you.
First, why is Dean being a jerk and second why does Sam care? This is a little odd for both of them. Dean uses the stress over dealing with the car excuse, but Sam has found that itâ€™s not really Little Bastard. The carâ€™s first owner was a cardiologist in Philadelphia who died in 1972. It was never James Deanâ€™s car. So what killed the guy?
Next is a house and in there is an older man, egghead type, in his office. He says good night to his Spanish speaking housekeeper and he gets fog breath. Uh oh. He hears a noise, turns around, and canâ€™t believe what he sees. â€œItâ€™s you, youâ€™re supposed to be dead.â€ Itâ€™s Abe Lincoln? Seriously? Lincoln growls and chokes the guy and why is this scene coming across as so absurd? Wasnâ€™t there a better way to make Lincoln scary? We get the blood spatter shot and dude is dead. Oh well. You know a scene is badly done when the only reaction is â€œoh well.â€
Sam and Dean are on the scene and the sheriff is back to his crazy theories. Sam brings up the fact that the person died by a gunshot wound to the head, no gun, no gunpowder. Sheriff has concluded a professional killer is involved. Oh man, are law enforcement guys in a mid-sized city like Canton really that clueless? No, they arenâ€™t actually. These are elected officials and the bad ones are usually weeded out. Trust me, Iâ€™ve voted out enough bozos. Sam and Dean are incredulous, especially since the sheriff derived his theory from Michael Clayton. â€œYouâ€™re welcome to look around, but these guys donâ€™t leave fingerprints.â€ Neither do supernatural beings. They go to talk to the witness, who isnâ€™t making any sense, in English or Spanish.
They go outside and sure enough, the maid starts firing off things in Spanish. Dean asks her a question in English, so she naturally answers in fast talking Spanish. Dean doesnâ€™t know what to do, so Sam jumps in and starts speaking Spanish to her! Sam speaks Spanish? He looks at Dean and admits its freshman Spanish. I took three years of high school French and a semester of in college and when I went to Paris, I realized I didnâ€™t know a thing. Communication was impossible. Sam must have had one hell of a Spanish class in college. Although, as history proves he is a fast learner. He tries to find the right words and does, so she slows down and gives him answers that even Dean understands. The culprit is none other than Abraham Lincoln. Couldnâ€™t she had said that upfront? I understood â€œEl Presidente Lincolnâ€ right away and I donâ€™t speak Spanish. Still, the reactions on Sam and Deanâ€™s faces are priceless, so I forgive the fact that this scene makes no sense.
This next scene is pure gold! Sam and Dean are researching, and both have their own laptops! How great is that? I realize the whole point of this episode is to pull the brothers up to equal footing, but what a way to get across the message. Dean is honing in on Samâ€™s dorky ways. I love it! Dean is looking at the footage of the Little Bastard murder, and sees a reflection of James Dean in the tire covers. Sam concurs itâ€™s him and goes on that thereâ€™s a ton of lore about famous ghosts, more so than normal. Heâ€™s surprised they havenâ€™t run across one before. I think itâ€™s because the budget wouldnâ€™t allow it before. Hell, Iâ€™m surprised it allowed it now. Sam figures out these ghosts are â€œgankingâ€ their fans. That word again? Sam is smart, he hasnâ€™t seen a thesaurus before? Heâ€™s some words. Slaughter, eradicate, terminate, eliminate, slay, butcher, exterminate, or how about just plain kill. It works.
Sam reads about the other guy killed, whoâ€™s a Civil War nut. He dug Lincoln. So, does that mean ghosts of Jensen and Jared are coming to get me? Hey, not a bad way to go. Dean calls it â€œmuchos locoâ€ and Sam corrects him, â€œmuy loco.â€ Smartass. Still, the ghost thing doesnâ€™t fit the pattern. Ghosts usually haunt where they live. Why are they in Canton? What, havenâ€™t they heard? Canton is a virtual paradise for tourism. Letâ€™s forget that the Football Hall of Fame is there (please letâ€™s forget). Thurman Munson crashed his plane and died there. The William McKinley Presidential Library and Museum is there, because the town he was actually from outside nearby Youngstown is too lame. Canton was recently a butt of a Steven Colbert joke, being called â€œcrappyâ€ because Barak Obama visited there. Notable actors, like Jake Abel, who played the third Winchester brother, are from there. Producer Brannon Braga is from there too, but after what sacrilege he did to the Star Trek franchise, weâ€™ll just forget that nugget. Marilyn Manson is from Canton too. That says enough right there. Freaks galore!
Sam does more research and gets the answer. Enter the Canton Wax Museum. Do they actually have one? Does anyone care? Abraham Lincoln is there. Gandhi. JFK, FDR, Nixon, all that jazz. Sam and Dean look around, and Dean comments Gandhi is short. Sam is offended for he thinks Gandhi is a great man. Oh boy, thatâ€™s a setup with a capital S. â€œYeah, for a smurf.â€ Heâ€™s short, not blue Dean!
A man comes out apologizing for keeping them waiting, but itâ€™s their busy season. Dean looks around and doesnâ€™t notice a soul in the place. â€œThis is busy?â€ The guy covers, saying not now, but itâ€™s early. â€œItâ€™s 4:30,â€ Dean says. Oh Dean, you and your fun. Sam introduces their cover. Theyâ€™re posing as reporters this time for a travel magazine. â€œYeah, on how totally non-sucky wax museums are,â€ Dean adds. Oh, he is in a snarky mood. You know guys, FBI I believe. Good looking guys like you doing something dorky like writing about wax museums? I wouldnâ€™t believe that cover for a second. Lucky for you museum guy is a doofus.
Theyâ€™re interested in Abe Lincoln and James Dean. Doofus mentions there are regulars for them, and Dean asks about the two dead guys. Doofus is worried that will get mention in the article. Doesnâ€™t this guy know ghost stories bring in visitors? He should be playing this. Sam assures him no. Dean mentions how lifelike Lincoln is that he can imagine him moving around. He asks doofus if heâ€™s seen anything like that. Hey, this guy might be a doofus, but he ainâ€™t stupid. â€œUh, no.â€ Sam tries to find out whatâ€™s unique about the place. Apparently, they have Abeâ€™s real hat. Dean mentions itâ€™s like his remains and now doofus thinks Dean is on something. They have James Deanâ€™s keychain, Gandhiâ€™s bifocals, FDRâ€™s iron lung, and heâ€™s wearing Fonzieâ€™s leather jacket. â€œOh, thatâ€™s really cool, ish,â€ Sam says. Way lighten up Sam! Now youâ€™re playing along. Itâ€™s doofusâ€™ attempt to attract the kids, aka Gen Y. With Fonzieâ€™s jacket? That wouldnâ€™t even get Gen X there. Maybe Conan Oâ€™Brien, but he would eventually blow it up.
Sam is loading guns with rock salt from the trunk of the Impala, and heâ€™s trying to look inconspicuous. No, thereâ€™s nothing suspicious about a very large man loading weapons in the trunk of a classic car at night. Then again, this is Canton I suppose, where nothing seems strange. Sam closes the trunk and enters the motel room, where Dean is talking on the phone. Heâ€™s talking about Abraham Lincoln and James Dean to Bobby. â€œWhy go kill crazy? I donâ€™t know, maybe the apocalypse got them all hot and bothered. Yeah well, we all know whose fault that is. Sorry, but itâ€™s true.â€
Sam takes offense and slams the door to let Dean know heâ€™s there. Dean hangs up and lets Sam know its Bobby. Sam asks â€œandâ€¦â€ and Dean says nothing else. â€œSo weâ€™re just going to pretend I didnâ€™t hear what I just heard.â€ Dean is nonchalant, telling him to pretend or donâ€™t pretend. â€œThis is supposed to be a fresh start Dean.â€ â€œWell, this is about as fresh as it gets.â€ Dean grabs his coat and asks Sam if theyâ€™re going or not. Sam pauses to give us one of his trademark angry sighs.
Hmm, I donâ€™t know, but this seems, off. Iâ€™m trying to avoid being over-analytical about things, but Deanâ€™s avoidance here isnâ€™t abnormal. Heâ€™s avoided talking about the issue before. Iâ€™ve read some suggestions where Dean wasnâ€™t talking just about Sam in that statement. He could have been talking about both of them and Sam took that the wrong way. Hey, thatâ€™s possible. However, all Dean could have said is â€œitâ€™s not what you think.â€ He didnâ€™t though, so Iâ€™m taking his behavior to just be some heightened drama for the episode.
Meanwhile, back at the wax museum. You know, after â€œMystery Spot,â€ wouldnâ€™t they have learned their lessons about breaking into museums at night? Dean grabs Lincolnâ€™s hat and tries to be funny. Sure, Samâ€™s in a pissy mood, but I didnâ€™t laugh at that either. Dean isnâ€™t sure why Sam isnâ€™t having fun with this, Sam just wants to torch the objects and leave. Dean goes off to fetch â€œEast of Edenâ€™sâ€ keychain. Donâ€™t worry, my husband didnâ€™t get the reference either. Itâ€™s one of James Deanâ€™s films. Iâ€™m wondering why he didnâ€™t say â€œGiant.â€ That was a more popular film. Iâ€™m also wondering why we didnâ€™t see wax James Dean. Iâ€™m assuming they couldnâ€™t get rights to use his likeness.
Sam waits and the creepy score comes on. He stares down Abraham Lincoln, and Iâ€™m assuming this is supposed to be the scary part. Like weâ€™re expecting Honest Abe to come to life. Instead, the door slams shut and he gets fog breath. This would have been scarier if he was attacked right away after staring down Abe. After a few seconds of anticipation, his shotgun goes flying and heâ€™s jumped by Gandhi. This part is actually kind of funny, watching that small man take on the Ginormotron. Kind of. Gandhi jumps on his back and grabs him by the neck. Sam slams him against the wall to get him off, and they circle each other before Gandhi manages to grab his neck from behind again. Itâ€™s another Sam choking! You know, even though it happens a million times, it never gets old. Nobody does being choked better than Jared.
Dean arrives and takes a few seconds instead of jumping into action to ask Sam if thatâ€™s Gandhi. â€œThe dude is squirrely.â€ Heâ€™s also choking your brother to death asshole, do something! Dean notices the wax figure is still there. Sam tries to tell him to get the glasses in between the gasping for air. Just as his eyes roll to the back of his head, Dean burns the glasses and Gandhi disappears. As Sam recovers, Dean looks at him with disgust. â€œYou couldnâ€™t have been a fan of someone cool?â€
Theyâ€™re back at the motel, and I swear itâ€™s the same one they used for â€œSomething Wicked.â€ Outside anyway. Theyâ€™re packing. Deanâ€™s ready to go, but Sam isnâ€™t so sure their work is done. He thinks itâ€™s strange Gandhi just vanished. â€œNo screaming, no big flame out, that isnâ€™t the way ghosts usually go.â€ Dean doesnâ€™t care, he went away. Thereâ€™s something else bothering Sam. He thinks Gandhi was trying to take a bite out of him. Heâ€™s reluctant to tell Dean why thatâ€™s odd, since Dean is being very quick with the ridicule. He tells Dean the real Gandhi was a fruitarian, and yes, Dean laughs. We get a Sam bitchface out of that! Oh how I missed those. â€œLet me get this straight. Your ultimate hero was not only a short man in diapers, but he was also a fruitarian?â€ Shut up Dean, here him out!
Sam tries to get his point across while Dean keeps mocking. He doesnâ€™t think this is over. Dean admits it was a â€œweirdly supercharged fruitarian ghostâ€ but it was still a ghost. Theyâ€™re going. Sam protests. â€œSo first you drag me into town and now youâ€™re dragging me back out.â€ Dean, still in arrogant jerk mode (??? I donâ€™t get it either) says, â€œYou ainâ€™t steering this boat. Letâ€™s go, chop, chop.â€ Samâ€™s buttons were pushed. He tells Dean this isnâ€™t going to work. Dean needs clarification. â€œUs, you, me together. I thought it could, but it canâ€™t.â€ Dean points out Sam was the one who wanted back in, and Sam points out Dean was the one who called him back in. Dean admits, â€œI still think weâ€™ve got some trust building to do.â€ â€œHow long am I going to be on double secret probation?â€ Sam asks. For the three of you that are confused, thatâ€™s an Animal House reference.
Dean says until he says so. Not the right answer! Sam keeps going with the brutal honesty. â€œLook, I know what I did, what Iâ€™ve done, and Iâ€™m trying to climb out of that hole, I am, but youâ€™re not making it easier.â€ Man, you can say that again! Dean wonders if Sam thinks he should just let him off the hook. Sam says no, he deserves it and even worse. â€œYouâ€™ll never punish me as much as Iâ€™m punishing myself. The point is, if weâ€™re going to be a team, you and I, it has to be a two way street.â€ â€œSo we just go back to the way we were before?â€ Dean asks. Sam says no. â€œBecause we were never that way before. Before didnâ€™t work. How do you think we got here?â€
Dean doesnâ€™t understand, so Sam explains. â€œDean, one of the reasons I went off with Ruby (pause), was to get away from you. It made me feel strong, like I wasnâ€™t your kid brother.â€ â€œAre you saying this is my fault?â€ Dean asks, not getting the point. â€œNo, itâ€™s my fault,â€ explains Sam. â€œAll Iâ€™m saying that is if weâ€™re going to do this, we have to do it different. We canâ€™t fall into the same rut.â€ Dean asks what Sam wants him to do. â€œYouâ€™re going to have to let me grow up for starters.â€ Dean canâ€™t react to that, for his phone rings. It seems the case isnâ€™t done after all. Iâ€™ll react to that. Way to go Sam for finally standing up for yourself! Itâ€™s about friggin time. Will it sink in??? I have no idea.
Theyâ€™re back at the sheriffâ€™s office in their g-man suits. The sheriff is at a loss now. They go talk to two girls in the back room. Their friend was taken. By Paris Hilton. â€œShe looked really good.â€ â€œSkinny, and phat.â€ Oh, you know Julie Siege, the writer of this story, has been dying to use a line like that for a while. As Iâ€™m sure many other writers are. A stunned Dean asks â€œwhat, what, huh?â€ Sam asks where did they go? The girls donâ€™t know, they just vanished. Sam and Dean step aside to conference. Last they heard Paris Hilton was still alive. Relatively speaking, I suppose so. This is where the teamwork between these two starts to kick in. Dean starts, â€œEither Paris Hilton is a homicidal manic or-â€œ â€œwe missed something.â€ Sam finishes. Theyâ€™re finishing each otherâ€™s sentences. They are working things out!
Iâ€™m not sure why I love this, but Sam playing medical examiner in blue scrubs? Someone in costume design is wanking the fans, and we love it! More, more I say! Sam reads the chart, notices something, so heâ€™s got to cut open the body. Heâ€™s still getting squeamish. I donâ€™t get it, still. This should be nothing to him now! After all, he gores people all the time. He digs into the stomach, complaining about how ripe it is. Yep, dead body, thatâ€™ll happen. He pulls out the bloody glove with two small black objects in his hands. I guess he found something. He comes out where Dean is waiting and has found that with the victims there was major blood loss, more than normal. Like something was feeding. Then he shows Dean the two objects he found in the stomach. Theyâ€™re seeds. â€œTheyâ€™re unlike any other seed Iâ€™ve ever seen before Dean.â€ Dean gets all cute. â€œJust when I thought you couldnâ€™t get any geekier.â€ Ah, thereâ€™s the brotherly teasing we love.
Sam is at his computer and finds something. â€œYahtzee.â€ I would have said â€œBingo!â€, but thatâ€™s only because I donâ€™t play Yahtzee. Dean, whoâ€™s at his computer (Iâ€™m still loving that) asks what. The seeds arenâ€™t from around there. Theyâ€™re from an Eastern European forest in the Balkans that isnâ€™t there anymore. It was chopped down thirty years ago. Local legend is it was guarded by a Pagan God known as Leshii, a mischievous God that can take on infinite forms that could only be appeased with the blood of its worshippers. Oh, those pesky Pagan Gods. Theyâ€™re always up to something. Dean theorizes that Leshii morphs only when it touches something that belonged to the celebrity. Sam canâ€™t refute that theory. The only way to kill it is to chop off its head with an iron axe. Oh, it thatâ€™s all. Of course, how come no one has done it by now? How do they know that works? I dismiss, for headless Paris Hilton is kind of fun. â€œAlright, letâ€™s go gank ourselves a Paris Hilton.â€
Theyâ€™re in the wax museum again and find an area closed for renovations. So naturally, they go in. Itâ€™s an idyllic fake forest setting, just perfect for a Pagan God of a forest. They find the missing girl tied to a tree and barely alive. Deanâ€™s axe goes flying at its Paris Hilton! In a cute blue party dress. She smacks Dean around knocks him down. Then she straightens her hair and sends Sam flying! He hits the tree and heâ€™s out cold. Dean looks up in time to see Paris Hilton hovering over him. â€œAwesome,â€ she says with a smile and then takes him out with her blue high heeled shoe. That is awesome actually!
Paris Hilton picks up a rusty old knife and starts sharpening her nails with it. Dean and Sam and now tied to trees, and how can they stand there so rigid if they were knocked out? Iâ€™m assuming the Leshi had a magic way. Dean wakes up to see the sparks flying from Parisâ€™ nails. Sam wakes up and Paris is happy theyâ€™re awake for this. This is gonna be huge. â€œIâ€™ve been stuffing myself with fast food lately to its nice to do the ritual right. A nice slow meal for a change.â€ We get the standard Pagan God speech a la â€œA Very Supernatural Christmas.â€ People used to adore her and throw themselves at her with smiles on their faces. Now they donâ€™t. Worship ainâ€™t itâ€™s all cracked up to be.
That all changed with they cut down her forest to build a Yugo plant. Dean calls that a â€œmarch of progressâ€ but the Yugo actually sent automobile engineering backwards. I kind of cringe at the mention of those motorized tin cans. When I was living in Michigan, there was a story about a local woman who went missing after traveling to the Upper Peninsula to visit her boyfriend. Turns out, she was driving her Yugo across the Mackinac Bay Bridge on a day where the winds were very heavy. It blew so hard it tossed her, car and all, off the bridge. Needless to say, Yugo sales plummeted after that.
Back to the Leshi, the story is she wandered around, hungry, scrounging for scraps. â€œBut then, the best thing ever happened. Someone tripped the apocalypse and I thought â€˜what the hell, Iâ€™m tired of watching what I eat.â€™ I wanna pig out.â€ Youâ€™re a Pagan God and you donâ€™t know that person is right in front of you? Especially when Sam is looking at you with the guiltiest look on his face? You should be kissing his feet! Okay, maybe I should be kissing his feet. Not for those reasons though. Iâ€™ll shut up now.
She found this nice little place where adoring fans stroll right in the door. Theyâ€™re not her fans, but sheâ€™ll take what she can get. Dean calls her the nuttiest God theyâ€™ve met, but I still think Madge and Edward Carrigan are. Paris very wisely points out â€œyou peopleâ€ are nuts, and sheâ€™s so right! â€œYou used to worship Gods, but this (she points to herself), this is what passes for a dollar tree? Celebrities? What have they got besides small dogs and spray tans?â€ Money sister. Plenty of it. But I personally know money isnâ€™t everything. â€œYou people used to have old time religion. Now you have US Weekly.â€ Yes, and both are really wacked if you ask me.
â€œI donâ€™t know, Iâ€™m more of a Penthouse forum man myself.â€ Thatâ€™s all Deanâ€™s got? She comes over and comments how thereâ€™s plenty of yummy meat on those bones. Iâ€™ll say! â€œOh, I hate to break it to you sister, but you canâ€™t eat me. Iâ€™m not a Paris Hilton BFF. Iâ€™ve never even seen House of Wax. Cut to Sam, who looks at Dean with disdain. Oh, thatâ€™s priceless! Finally, the inside joke. Itâ€™s wonderful too. Speaking of which, Iâ€™m showing the picture of Jared at the House of Wax premiere. He has the absolutely ugliest shirt on! More evidence that Samâ€™s prized white ugly shirt came from the actorâ€™s wardrobe.
Paris can totally read his mind. She knows who his hero is. His daddy. The axe belonged to John, so sheâ€™s going to morph into John Winchester now. â€œOne absent father figure coming up.â€ How cool! Will Jeffrey Dean Morgan be appearing? No, because Dean breaks free in time to make a charge at Paris. He tackles her and she proceeds to pound the living crap out of him. Sam fights against his ropes and then breaks free, just in time to jump over the two and grab the axe. With five vicious swings and blood spurting all over his face, Sam takes Paris Hiltonâ€™s head off. That had to have been a blast for him to film. He gets his House of Wax revenge.
The cut off head of Paris is shown rocking on the ground, the diamond earring and headband still sparkling. Thatâ€™s one way to take out a princess. Dean, on the ground, looks up at Sam and sees whatâ€™s coming. â€œNot a word.â€ Sam goes on anyway, with this great teasing smile underneath all that blood. â€œDude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.â€ Dean says shut up. Ah, Iâ€™m loving this equal ground thing. Itâ€™s about time Sam got some payback.
Theyâ€™re leaving the motel for real now and Dean gets off the phone with the Sheriff. The girl they found is going to be alright. â€œSheâ€™s sworn off The Simple Life but other than thatâ€¦â€ Heck, it didnâ€™t take Paris Hilton draining my blood to get me to do that. One commercial was all that took. Dean says it gets better, for the sheriff is putting out an ABP on Paris Hilton. Oh, I can see her getting dragged to Canton. Visiting Canton is the equivalent of doing court ordered community service. Oh, did I say that out loud? Iâ€™m allowed to rip towns in my own state! Might I say before I go on that Iâ€™m quite impressed with Paris Hilton for the first time ever. She is a fan of the show and actually does have a great sense of humor. Not that this will change her behavior any, but hey, I respect her for doing this at least.
As they put the bags away in the trunk, Dean tells Sam he was thinking about what he said yesterday. Maybe Sam is right that Dean keeps too tight of a leash on him. Now, pay attention to this part. This is VERY important and if anything should shut a lot of people up over the â€œwhen will Dean do this?â€ debate. â€œLook, Iâ€™m not exactly Mr. Innocent in this whole mess ever, you know I did break the first seal.â€ â€œYou didnâ€™t know,â€ Sam replies. â€œYeah, well neither did you. Not saying demon blood was a great way to go but you did kill Lilith.â€ Sam finds no comfort in that. â€œAnd start the apocalypse.â€ â€œWhich neither of us saw coming. Who would have known that killing Lilith would be a bad thing? The point is, I was so worried about watching your every move that I didnâ€™t see what I was doing to you. So for that Iâ€™m sorry.â€ THERE! Itâ€™s all been said and done. We can move on now. We can, because Sam and Dean are and the next few lines prove it.
After Sam says â€œthanks,â€ Dean asks where do they go from here? Sam has a good answer and he brings us the â€œlesson learnedâ€ portion of our program. â€œThe way I see it, weâ€™ve got one shot at surviving this. Maybe I am on deck with the Devil, maybe the same with you and Michael, maybe thereâ€™s no changing that. But, we can stop wringing our hands over it. We gotta just grab onto whatâ€™s in front of us, kick its ass, and go down fighting.â€ Dean can get on board with that. â€œWeâ€™re going to have to do it on the same level.â€ â€œYou got it,â€ Dean says, and then proves it by asking Sam if he wants to drive! Sam asks if heâ€™s sure, and Dean admits heâ€™s tired. Aww, just like in season one when Dean was trying to console Sam over Jessicaâ€™s death. The offer of driving the Impala is his highest compliment. Sam looks at Dean with appreciation and takes the keys from him. They drive away as the fantastic rendition of Beck, Bogert , and Appiceâ€™s â€œSuperstitionâ€ comes on. Wow, another classic rock gem? Five episodes in a row? Itâ€™s not even my birthday! Or Christmas. Or Festivus. Or name your special holiday here.
Oh, but itâ€™s not done! After the rolling of credits a â€œSoonâ€ comes on. Normally I wouldnâ€™t recap in detail such segments, but this is TOO good. As a matter of fact, it ends up being the highlight of the entire episode. Why donâ€™t I just bullet every scene we see.
- Sam getting drilled in the nuts on a Japanese game show. Yes, â€œWTF?â€ was my first reaction. I laughed after that.
- Someone hits a man with their car.
- Sam and Dean watch an old manâ€™s body pulled from the morgue.
- Sorry, I laugh WAY too hard on this scene. Theyâ€™re in the brightest, cleanest, most colorful motel room EVER. Thereâ€™s two beds made neatly with fluffy comforters, flowers in blue, green and white on the wall, red floor, bright white cabinets, and a sandwich stacked a mile high in the middle of the perfectly white table. Itâ€™s definitely the bizzaro version of a Supernatural motel room. Dean sees Sam come in the door and cheerfully greets, â€œHey Sam, whatâ€™s happening?â€ Sam cheekily puts his hands on his hips and replies, â€œJust the end of the world.â€ As the laugh track goes off in the background, Dean shrugs with a smile. Sorry, Iâ€™m pausing the Video on Demand here. Then rewinding. Then pausing again. Then laughing my fool head off.
- Sam and Dean are in suits chasing down a woman who tells them to stay away from her. She throws salt on them and realizes theyâ€™re not demons.
- Castiel! Wow, I missed him. He mentions a child whoâ€™s half human, half demon, more powerful than either. â€œOne word and this child will destroy the host of heaven. And I canâ€™t take that chance.â€ Castiel approaches the cute little boy with the knife and the boys cowers in fear. Intense! The music is still rocking BTW.
- Sam and Dean bust into a place where a guy is in bed with two women. He and Dean are playing poker for years. Dean bets 25 years. Heâ€™s asked if heâ€™s sure, Dean says yes. Next scene Sam is pulling a gun on an old man. Itâ€™s Dean! â€œI see youâ€™ve met John McCain here,â€ Bobby in the wheelchair says.
- Old Dean climbs up the stairs, while at the top Sam mocks him that itâ€™s only the 2nd floor.
- Sam and Dean go into a warehouse.
- Theyâ€™re doctors! In brilliant white coats. A nurse comes along and slaps Sam in the face.
- The Impala has a rolling red light going down its front grill, a la Kitt from Knight Rider. Awesome!!
- Sam and Dean watch something burn in a warehouse.
- THIS is the piece de resistance!!! Sam and Dean are in nice suits wearing sunglasses, strolling up to the scene acting all superior. Dean stabs someone in the heart with a wooden stake. Sam hovers over the guy, and oh my God, heâ€™s suddenly Horatio Caine from CSI Miami. He even mimics the voice perfectly. â€œWell I say, jackpot.â€ He puts the sunglasses back on (at night) and he strolls away while Carmine Appice drums the final beats of the song.
Whoa, what the hell are we in for the next three episodes?? I canâ€™t wait to find out. Thatâ€™s a recap folks.