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They’re back at the sheriff’s office in their g-man suits. The sheriff is at a loss now. They go talk to two girls in the back room. Their friend was taken. By Paris Hilton. “She looked really good.” “Skinny, and phat.” Oh, you know Julie Siege, the writer of this story, has been dying to use a line like that for a while. As I’m sure many other writers are. A stunned Dean asks “what, what, huh?” Sam asks where did they go? The girls don’t know, they just vanished. Sam and Dean step aside to conference. Last they heard Paris Hilton was still alive. Relatively speaking, I suppose so. This is where the teamwork between these two starts to kick in. Dean starts, “Either Paris Hilton is a homicidal manic or-“ “we missed something.” Sam finishes. They’re finishing each other’s sentences. They are working things out!

I’m not sure why I love this, but Sam playing medical examiner in blue scrubs? Someone in costume design is wanking the fans, and we love it! More, more I say! Sam reads the chart, notices something, so he’s got to cut open the body. He’s still getting squeamish. I don’t get it, still. This should be nothing to him now! After all, he gores people all the time. He digs into the stomach, complaining about how ripe it is. Yep, dead body, that’ll happen. He pulls out the bloody glove with two small black objects in his hands. I guess he found something. He comes out where Dean is waiting and has found that with the victims there was major blood loss, more than normal. Like something was feeding. Then he shows Dean the two objects he found in the stomach. They’re seeds. “They’re unlike any other seed I’ve ever seen before Dean.” Dean gets all cute. “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any geekier.” Ah, there’s the brotherly teasing we love.

Sam is at his computer and finds something. “Yahtzee.” I would have said “Bingo!”, but that’s only because I don’t play Yahtzee. Dean, who’s at his computer (I’m still loving that) asks what. The seeds aren’t from around there. They’re from an Eastern European forest in the Balkans that isn’t there anymore. It was chopped down thirty years ago. Local legend is it was guarded by a Pagan God known as Leshii, a mischievous God that can take on infinite forms that could only be appeased with the blood of its worshippers. Oh, those pesky Pagan Gods. They’re always up to something. Dean theorizes that Leshii morphs only when it touches something that belonged to the celebrity. Sam can’t refute that theory. The only way to kill it is to chop off its head with an iron axe. Oh, it that’s all. Of course, how come no one has done it by now? How do they know that works? I dismiss, for headless Paris Hilton is kind of fun. “Alright, let’s go gank ourselves a Paris Hilton.”

They’re in the wax museum again and find an area closed for renovations. So naturally, they go in. It’s an idyllic fake forest setting, just perfect for a Pagan God of a forest. They find the missing girl tied to a tree and barely alive. Dean’s axe goes flying at its Paris Hilton! In a cute blue party dress. She smacks Dean around knocks him down. Then she straightens her hair and sends Sam flying! He hits the tree and he’s out cold. Dean looks up in time to see Paris Hilton hovering over him. “Awesome,” she says with a smile and then takes him out with her blue high heeled shoe. That is awesome actually!

Paris Hilton picks up a rusty old knife and starts sharpening her nails with it. Dean and Sam and now tied to trees, and how can they stand there so rigid if they were knocked out? I’m assuming the Leshi had a magic way. Dean wakes up to see the sparks flying from Paris’ nails. Sam wakes up and Paris is happy they’re awake for this. This is gonna be huge. “I’ve been stuffing myself with fast food lately to its nice to do the ritual right. A nice slow meal for a change.” We get the standard Pagan God speech a la “A Very Supernatural Christmas.” People used to adore her and throw themselves at her with smiles on their faces. Now they don’t. Worship ain’t it’s all cracked up to be.

That all changed with they cut down her forest to build a Yugo plant. Dean calls that a “march of progress” but the Yugo actually sent automobile engineering backwards. I kind of cringe at the mention of those motorized tin cans. When I was living in Michigan, there was a story about a local woman who went missing after traveling to the Upper Peninsula to visit her boyfriend. Turns out, she was driving her Yugo across the Mackinac Bay Bridge on a day where the winds were very heavy. It blew so hard it tossed her, car and all, off the bridge. Needless to say, Yugo sales plummeted after that.

Back to the Leshi, the story is she wandered around, hungry, scrounging for scraps. “But then, the best thing ever happened. Someone tripped the apocalypse and I thought ‘what the hell, I’m tired of watching what I eat.’ I wanna pig out.” You’re a Pagan God and you don’t know that person is right in front of you? Especially when Sam is looking at you with the guiltiest look on his face? You should be kissing his feet! Okay, maybe I should be kissing his feet. Not for those reasons though. I’ll shut up now.

She found this nice little place where adoring fans stroll right in the door. They’re not her fans, but she’ll take what she can get. Dean calls her the nuttiest God they’ve met, but I still think Madge and Edward Carrigan are. Paris very wisely points out “you people” are nuts, and she’s so right! “You used to worship Gods, but this (she points to herself), this is what passes for a dollar tree? Celebrities? What have they got besides small dogs and spray tans?” Money sister. Plenty of it. But I personally know money isn’t everything. “You people used to have old time religion. Now you have US Weekly.” Yes, and both are really wacked if you ask me.

“I don’t know, I’m more of a Penthouse forum man myself.” That’s all Dean’s got? She comes over and comments how there’s plenty of yummy meat on those bones. I’ll say! “Oh, I hate to break it to you sister, but you can’t eat me. I’m not a Paris Hilton BFF. I’ve never even seen House of Wax. Cut to Sam, who looks at Dean with disdain. Oh, that’s priceless! Finally, the inside joke. It’s wonderful too. Speaking of which, I’m showing the picture of Jared at the House of Wax premiere. He has the absolutely ugliest shirt on! More evidence that Sam’s prized white ugly shirt came from the actor’s wardrobe.

Paris can totally read his mind. She knows who his hero is. His daddy. The axe belonged to John, so she’s going to morph into John Winchester now. “One absent father figure coming up.” How cool! Will Jeffrey Dean Morgan be appearing? No, because Dean breaks free in time to make a charge at Paris. He tackles her and she proceeds to pound the living crap out of him. Sam fights against his ropes and then breaks free, just in time to jump over the two and grab the axe. With five vicious swings and blood spurting all over his face, Sam takes Paris Hilton’s head off. That had to have been a blast for him to film. He gets his House of Wax revenge.

The cut off head of Paris is shown rocking on the ground, the diamond earring and headband still sparkling. That’s one way to take out a princess. Dean, on the ground, looks up at Sam and sees what’s coming. “Not a word.” Sam goes on anyway, with this great teasing smile underneath all that blood. “Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.” Dean says shut up. Ah, I’m loving this equal ground thing. It’s about time Sam got some payback.


# Maria 2009-10-13 15:27
I have to admit, Sam a la Horation Caine was dead-on. The expression, everything. It's like a young Horatio! :shock: Fantastic, Jared.

I'm wondering if Sam plays out McDreamy in a la Grey's Anatomy scene? Because of the girl slapping him.

For some - not really strange - reason, I always enjoy Dean rolling down on a car to examine it. Very macho, despite the fact he was scared in this (who wouldn't be!). Ah, I can see him after the Apocalypse, two-and-a-half kids (in Jared's words), and working as a mechanic. Makes sense after he was raised from Hell. Maybe Castiel will visit on advice for his Delorean (ha!).

All in all, I was entertained by this episode. Not every one has to be angsty and dark. If it entertains, it's done its job alright! I experienced a rush of glee at watching Paris Hilton beheaded. Dreams do come true!

I gotta say, I love Dean's reaction at Sam's 'Just the end of the world', and Sam's after being drilled 'where the sun is shining' (has Dean said something like it? I'm pretty sure he has - it gets me giggling!). I'm so looking forward to the next episodes. And yes, Castiel, you have been missed. It would have been funnier if he had mimicked Horatio, come to think of it. Priceless. Angels and jackpots.
# Maria 2009-10-13 16:51
And by the way, it doesn't look like Sam and Dean watching something burn in the warehouse - it's more like they have trapped someone with Castiel's 'vinaigrette' - ha! Some angelic spirit, perhaps?
# elenaM 2009-10-14 01:45
Ok, that was way funnier than the actual thing. Thanks again, Alice, and good luck with the ch53 HD woes. Cute as Sam is in scrubs, you really want your friendly neighborhood medical examiner around if you're looking for cause of hemorrhage. Maybe they just couldn't budget another guest. Sorry, I'm a physician, I tend to get OCD about that stuff. And yeah, Sam's lingering squeamishness doesn't make a lick of sense at this point (among other things in this ep) but it's so cute, I forgive them...

I remember that pause, waiting for the Sam Huff. Like thunder after lightning. Wait for it, wait for it, there it is! Also loved the "See Paris Die" in the background of the House of Wax premiere pic, LOL

As for Sam and Dean as doctors-- Grey's or Scrubs? or something else? I'm hoping for Grey's, Maria, just for a fun dig at the competition...
# Bethany 2009-10-14 05:36
ok so it wasn't the best episode they've done but i liked sam being the annoying little brother while dean was under the car "do you need a flashlight?" i liked that they finally have their own laptops and finally sam told dean to let him grow up - plus who didn't love the house of wax crack and seeing paris die, it was the reason i saw house of wax in the first place (yes i saw it - don't mock).

but the preview had me giggling, although it did give me a mild panic that there was going to be a break. jared's horatio was spot on, anyone else have the feeling he may have done that more than once? but then who hasn't, it's kinda a running joke in our house.
# Maria 2009-10-14 06:30
Haha, Bethany, and your running jokes. :lol: Jared is quite a funny guy, so yes, now that you mention it, it makes sense he puts on the shades and does Mr. Jackpot once in a while.

I'm hoping for Grey's too, Elena!

'Do you need a flashlight?' That was so priceless, I don't know exactly why, but it was. It's like, you expect something awful to happen, and there is lil' ol' Sammy, asking his ol' bro if he needs a flashlight. And Dean's 'Just go', yes, had me cracking up.