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Fan/Writer #5


Someone asked me how I felt now that Supernatural is over. I just shrugged my shoulders. I feel just kinda meh.

But then I thought about it. And I thought about it some more. And the more I thought about it, the truth is, I’m angry.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

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And I’m not talking about how the show ended.

Rewind back to January of 2020. Every week I was able to look forward to a new episode. I could look forward to reading through my Twitter feed and see what my friends were thinking about the Show, and the direction it was going, and the speculation and anticipation of what was inevitably to come. I was making plans to watch the finale with friends, knowing that we would all cry our eyes out but it would be worth it to be together with friends.

But then it was the impeachment, and that began to filter its way into my timeline, and it was just yuck.

And then it was the presidential primary, with all the backstabbing and hate speech and everyone has to share their damn opinion on all of it… so, just more Yuck.

And then it was freakin Covid – in the news, All the News, in my Twitter feed, on my Facebook, everywhere. And it was all doom and gloom, and more doom and gloom, and things started shutting down, so then it was more doom and gloom. And then production on the Show stopped.

At that point, I pretty much abandoned Twitter. I stopped watching the news. It was all just too much. Too much doom. Too much gloom. Just too much of everything negative, all the time, and my anxiety was through the roof, and I just couldn’t take any more of it.

So between the Covid lockdowns and the Covid shut down of production – the finale was now off. And so was any hope of getting together with friends to mourn the loss of our beloved Show.

And then the riots. And the presidential election. And the virus that just kept spreading and spreading. And if I dared to look at Twitter, UGH – everyone spewing their opinions about all of it, and most of the time, that meant just a bunch of flaming idiots who can’t even spell politics or science, forget understanding it.

So I gave up. The online community that I thought I was a part of, this so-called SPNFamily, it was just gone. Dead to me. I disappeared from Twitter, and I swear to Chuck, no one even noticed. I can literally count on one hand the number of friends who bothered to see if I was doing okay, who bothered to stay in touch with me.

By the time the Show began its final run of episodes, I was kinda over it. I watched those last episodes more out of obligation to finish the show than any sense of emotion or urgency or attachment.

I have loved this show and these characters for so long. I have looked forward to this final season and the final episode for so long. I have wanted to ride this emotional rollercoaster for so long. And yet everything else from 2020 - and all the ugliness and YUCK on Twitter – all of it absolutely destroyed my passion and love for this show.

I cried when Cas died. I felt bad when God wasn’t anything more than a whimpering Chuck left alone. And oh how my heart hurt and ached in Dean’s final moments.

And the next morning? The same old doom and gloom on the news, the same old political bulls**t on the news, the same old ridiculous fighting in this so-called SPNFamily… and within hours of that glorious finale, I was right back to feeling just so over all of it.

And that makes me angry. I wanted to be sad. I wanted to feel sad. I wanted to talk to my friends and be sad with them. I wanted to talk about all the good parts of the Show and the characters and the finale. But there’s no room for that. There’s no room for open-minded thought. There’s no room for honest feelings. There’s no room for mature discussion, about the Show, about the virus, about anything.

PeopleAreCrazy

But, then again, I’m alive and my family is healthy, and I have a handful of great friends.

I just don’t have an SPNFamily anymore.

I’m angry.

Dean Not Alright