Ben Edlund

  • "Hello, Cruel World" Review: Body Blows

    Anytime Ben Edlund's name appears as writer for an episode, I know that I will be either laughing till tears run down my face or crying as my heart breaks. "Hello, Cruel World," is most certainly the latter. Pair an Edlund script with the directorial skill of Guy Norman Bee, and Supernatural hits the jack pot every single time. If it was Edlund's intent to break every Supernatural fan's heart with this particular episode, he did that and more. For good measure, he twists the knife deep a few times. He also never lets up. 
    His first strike comes from Castiel. The blow is heavy and hard. The Leviathan trapped within the angel's vessel are barely contained. At the crucial moment when they could have finished both Winchesters and Bobby off for good, they are instead forced to retreat. Their black ooze is leaking out, as Castiel is about to explode. He eventually ends up walking into the local lake, which happens to also be the water supply. At this point, almost reminiscent of "Dead in the Water," the Leviathan pour forth from his body and infect the pipes, possessing any who drink the water. 
    The body blow here isn't just watching Castiel disappear into the water. It is the trench coat that floats up left behind. Dean picks it up with tears glistening in his eyes, and mutters, "Dumb son of a bitch." 

    Dean's anguish here is palpable. It is understated, but raw. Dean doesn't show his emotions as blatantly as he has in the past when Sam died in his arms in "All Hell Breaks Loose I." It is quiet, reserved, and almost resigned to the fact that he has lost one of his friends---and brothers. They may have been on opposite sides until Castiel agreed to return the souls to Purgatory, but that didn't change Dean's feelings---he cared for the angel and losing him hurt more than he cares to admit. After all, he wouldn't necessarily be topside at all if it hadn't been for Castiel. 
    They've watched their angel friend possibly die---or become something far worse, too. Only time can tell, but it isn't hard to figure out that Castiel's vessel has now become the vessel for the Boss Leviathan. That remains a mystery yet to be solved, but it's a possibility on the table that makes the scene hurt all the more. 
  • 7:09 - Thoughts on "How To Win Friends and Influence Monsters"



    This episode had the feel of being handled by a seasoned Supernatural vet - it was dark, the characters were totally on point and the plot rolled forward. This review will be a bit shorter than usual, I think, because this episode felt largely like a vehicle to get to next week which is just fine with this viewer because overall it was a pretty good episode. Though not quite as humorous as I was expecting, giving that Ben Edlund was responsible for this one. Nevertheless, it laid some substantial groundwork for the mid-season finale in two weeks and I eagerly await the heart-pounding cliff hanger that I'm sure we are going to be left with at the end of episode 10! 

  • 7.02 Review - "Hello, Cruel World"


    Season seven, episode two: it's a bit surreal to type that about Supernatural, because it's hard to believe the brothers Winchester have been gracing us with their presence for the better part of seven years already. But seven years or not, this season has the makings of a champion run. It may be premature to say this, only two episodes in, but so far this season feels on par with season four, which was my personal favourite overall. So, what did we think of episode two?

  • A Tribute to Ben Edlund - Part 1


    A Tribute to Ben Edlund "“ Part 1

    Though it is with truly heavy hearts that we bid adieu to Ben Edlund, one of the greatest additions, ever, to the Supernatural family, he has left an incredible trail of wit and laughter in his wake. Over the coming months as we head toward season nine- something made possible by Mr. Edlund's creative genius touch "“ let's look back at some of the brilliant episodes and clever one-liners that Mr. Edlund has bestowed on our fabulous show"¦.

  • Alice's Review - "Hello, Cruel World"

    "Well, this is a new one."  I'll say!  Here it is a few days later and I'm still reeling.  
    I loved "Hello, Cruel World," only slightly more than "Meet The New Boss."  Both have been great and man am I excited about this season seven. I haven't been this enthused about the start of a Supernatural season since season four, my favorite season so far.  Just two episodes of season seven have brought us more heart stopping thrills and emotional rollercoasters than all of season six.  
    There are several reasons why I loved this episode, and one is not the fact that I'm wondering why it took seven freaking seasons to show Sam and Dean being rushed to a hospital in an ambulance.  It's Creature of The Black Lagoonmeets A Beautiful Mind. In other words, a mish mash that can only be pulled off with brilliance by Ben Edlund.  
    In this show we often get a great monster of the week story or one enticing and tear jerking family drama, but it's been a long time that both have been pulled off so perfectly in same episode.  Both stories blended together very well.  This script is flawless and captivating from beginning to end.  You knew it was an Edlund script from the second it came on the screen.  "Black Water" by The Doobie Brothers?  Bwah, the sardonic musical choice again.  ("Space Oddity" is still my favorite). 
  • An Open Letter of Appreciation to Ben Edlund


    Dear Ben Edlund,
    Thank you. Thanks for being a writer on Supernatural for so many seasons.
    It's bittersweet to know that you'll be leaving to go work on Revolution, but I thought I'd let you know just how much your episodes of Supernatural mean to me.

  • Ben Edlund Goes From Supernatural To The Tick

    The pilot for Ben Edlund's The Tick will premiere this week on!
  • Congratulations Pour In For Supernatural Scribes

    With the news of all the changes on the writing staff, people are tweeting congratulations from around the web.
  • Elle's Review - "The End"

    Thanks so much elle for submitting another great review.  She's one up on me, since I've been going through family induced writer's block for three days.  Enjoy!


    Thoughts on the "The End"
    The Recap
    How nice was it to see John? I had to smile just at hearing his voice - glad to have him present in an episode, whatever the form. So far, we've had two episodes of four that have reached all the way back to season one for THEN - and as we've now had Meg, Jess and the Colt, it will be interesting to see how much more of the shows foundation bleeds through into this season and if other old friends (and foes) make a return appearance. 
  • Elle's Review - Thoughts on "My Bloody Valentine"

    Thoughts on My Bloody Valentine

    How we are at episode fourteen of season five already, I'll never know. The last four weeks have flown by in a whirlwind of mytharc and emotion. I truly enjoyed this episode. Coming off last week's heart-break, the humour was much appreciated. The gore, much less so. Several watches under my belt now and this episode still requires the tissue box be close at hand. This review practically wrote itself because the episode was so rich in material, offering something new with each viewing. So without further ado, here we go.
    Teaser - "I want you, all of you, inside me."
    Cannibalism is possibly the most disgusting things ever and now I've seen it in full drippy red detail twice on Supernatural. While Metamorphosisstill takes the cake for gore factor, My Bloody Valentinefollows in a close second. Repugnant though it was, the opening sequence of this heart-wrenching (forgive the pun) episode was exceedingly well executed and most assuredly grabbed my attention.  With an opening act as visceral as this one, only a show like Supernatural could make the delightful cherub postcard as disturbing as the one Sam studies at the crime scene.
  • Let's Speculate: "Hello, Cruel World"

    WARNING!!!!!!  If you haven't seen tonight's episode of "Supernatural," read no further!  There will be plot discussion and spoilers and other things you won't want to read unless you have seen the episode.  Consider yourself warned!  If you're still here, let's do this!

    First of all, I just want to say to Ben Edlund and Guy Norman Bee, I both love and hate the two of you for the floating trenchcoat scene.  Not gonna lie, I cried.  Ugh, it was so emotional!  There should never be trenchcoat without Cass in it!  It's just wrong!  Which is exactly why it was the perfect symbol to show that Cass was really gone this time.  Or is he?  DUN DUN DUN!  This leads me to my Theory of the Week:
  • Recap - "The End"

    "The End." The episode that answers the burning question, what if you held an apocalypse in Kansas City and no one came? Let’s get started.

    Then: A whole freaking lot.

    Now: The Impala! That's a perfect way to open an episode. Dean pulls up, parks in front of a meter and doesn't put change in. I guess paying for street parking in Kansas City is optional. So that's why it will be destroyed. Dean's stingyness put less cops of the streets to fight zombies.

    A religious nut in a suit, must be a Jehovah's Witness, is harassing passersby on the street. He comes up to Dean. "Have you taken time out to consider God's plan for you?" "Too freaking much pal." Dude, you really don't want to know God's plan for Dean, or his brother for that matter. It's pretty messed up. Religious nut gives Dean a long parting stare. Remember this for later.

    Dean's in your standard crappy motel room with one bed (sniff!) talking on the cell phone. He's talking to Cas! He has trouble hearing what Cas is saying, which isn't hard since a semi is going by Cas on the other end. Dean makes a joke. "It’s kind of funny, talking to a messenger of God on a cell phone. You know, kind of like watching a Hell ' s angel ride a moped.” Castiel isn't in the mood for jokes since the "voice" is telling him he doesn't have many minutes left. What sort of a cell plan did he get? A prepaid phone? Angels have all this almighty power yet can't pick a decent cell phone plan?

  • Recap: "Bad Day At Black Rock"

    As I've said many times ad nauseum, I discovered "Supernatural" in season three. I started blogging about "Supernatural" in March of that season (during the writer's strike). When I did my first recap of "Bad Day At Black Rock" after it ran in repeats, I was a green blogger who had no freaking idea how to do a proper recap. It's been my goal to slowly fix those mistakes. So, here's one more down. "Bad Day At Black Rock" along with "A Very Supernatural Christmas" and "Mystery Spot" are the season three episodes now crossed off that bad recap list.
    In picking which episode to recap next it had to be a comedy. I desperately needed something light. Faster than you can say "I lost my shoe" a choice was made. Time to get my season three hat on. It fits kind of nice, but then again I've always had a soft spot for season three.
  • Review - "Bad Day At Black Rock"

    "Bad Day at Black Rock"
    --Robin's Ramblings by Robin Vogel

    Kubrick visits Gordon in jail, who insists, "Sam Winchester must die."

    Driving in the Impala, the brothers fight about Ruby. Dean's concerned that Sam is trusting a demon, but Sam just wants to use her. There's a war going on, she can help them" plus, she claims she can get Dean out of the Crossroads deal. The argument is interrupted by JOHN'S phone ringing in the glove compartment; Dean apparently keeps it charged, just in case. John's Buffalo, NY storage locker, which the brothers knew nothing about, has been broken into.
  • Review - "Ghostfacers"

    Robin's Rambles by Robin Vogel
    Ed Zeddemore and Harry Spengler introduce their pilot, GHOSTFACERS. They sit in chairs. Behind them a fire crackles in a fireplace. They are presenting something during the crippling writer's strike, something they claim will be "the most frightening hour of television." 
    Phase 1 - Homework - Ed and Harry walk slo mo, which looks really funny (dumb) with everything going at regular pace behind them. Ed and Harry work at Kinkos during the day. Maggie, Ed's adopted sister, explains that the two met at camp and have been inseparable geeks ever since. Corbett, back from shopping, shows us the special coffee be bought for Ed, who he clearly has a crush upon. Spruce, cameraman, works at a golf course picking up balls. He's part Jewish and Cherokee. They're hitting the Morton house, where every four years, people have been disappearing. The ghost returns at midnight just as February 29th begins. The strategy session is interrupted when Dad opens the garage door, sending the strategy board up along with the door.
    Morton House - The Ghostfacers stand at the gate where a "No Trespassing" sign has been posted by police. The sound of the Impala, blasting "We're An American Band" temporarily scares the team. Sam and Dean check with a flashlight, but don't notice the Ghostfacers, and drive off. Flashlights bobbing, the team enters the house. They set up computer equipment upstairs and down to the tune of "Hocus Pocus." Corbett manages to make Ed uncomfortable with some of the things he says and the way he says them. When everything is ready, they stand in a circle, put one hand in, say "GHOSTFACERS!" together, then slide their hands down in front of their faces. They are READY!
  • Review - "Malleus Maleficarum"

    "Malleus Maleficarum"
    --Robin's Rambles by Robin Vogel
    I had early knowledge of this episode during my Vancouver visit when I learned they were filming a witch episode next, really, really scary and good, is what I was told. While this ep had its good points, it doesn't fall amongst my favorites. Meh.
    Paul and Janet, an amorous married pair, return from a party; he unzips her dress and lets it fall to the floor. The wife retreats to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Somewhere, a woman begins to perform a ritual and chant in another language; all we can see are her lips, but one word we can understand clearly is "diabolic." While Janet brushes her teeth, the other woman unwraps a toothbrush on a table, slices the inside of her hand with a knife and lets the blood drip onto the toothbrush. Janet reaches into her mouth and, with a horrible snap, pulls out one of her own teeth. "Oh, God," she says, alarmed. The chanting and bleeding over the brush continue. Janet pulls out another tooth. Terrified, she calls, "Paul!" Her husband rushes toward the bathroom, but the door closes between them, and he can't get in. Bleeding heavily from her mouth, Janet begins spitting out more teeth while her husband bangs at the door. The chanting woman violently stabs the toothbrush. Paul is about to kick in the door, but it opens gently by itself. His wife lies dead on the floor, blood dribbling from her mouth. One of her teeth slides toward the drain in the sink.
  • Review: "Malleus Maleficarum"

    Sure, it was a repeat, but weren't we all a little excited on Thursday to go to the TV Guide and see our beloved show Supernaturallisted in the lineup again? I got a little emotional, and I didn't even care what episode was on. The CW played a cruel joke on us for six weeks, and I'm glad it's over.

    The episode chosen for repeat viewing was "Malleus Maleficarum", a graphically gross tale about shallow suburbanites who unwittingly sold their souls to the devil via witchcraft all in hopes of getting a better mortgage rate. The writer of this episode was Ben Edlund, who makes my short list of writers whose warped mind I most want to emulate when writing my own stuff. This wasn't his best script (that honor belongs to season two's "Nightshifter"), but I still enjoyed his unconventional view of witches and demons, and he delivered plenty of drama for the Winchester boys. There was one element in particular that made this episode stand out from others, but first let's cover the other stuff.

  • Review: Supernatural - "Ghostfacers"

    TV Review: Supernatural -"Ghostfacers"
    Before I get started, a belated Happy Birthday to Eric Kripke, who celebrated on Thursday. I only hope he wasn't stressing out too much about the airing of the latest episode and enjoyed himself instead. He shouldn't worry too much, for this episode was very well received. 
    "Ghostfacers" proved to be another of the great comical, standalone episodes this show manages to deliver once or twice every season. This one perfected the entire "mockumentary" genre, guaranteeing that it will be talked about for a while among the fans. These comedy episodes are usually fun for all involved, giving everyone a chance to let loose and forget about the mythology and intense character angst for a while. These episodes are always wildly creative, deliver memorable lines, and come with inside jokes that fans manage to catch with delight. 
    This episode is an extension of season one's "Hell House", the first of the light-hearted episodes to air for this series. As a reminder for the few that either haven't seen season one or don't remember that episode (how could you not!), we were introduced to the clueless ghost hunters Ed and Harry, the so called "Hellhounds", in Texas (the first time I saw that episode, I instantly noticed that Texas looked pretty lush, more like British Columbia). That episode let us know under no uncertain terms what happens when practical jokes, vivid imaginations, and the Internet culture collide. All I remember is Sam with itchy shorts and Dean with a beer bottle glued to his hand.   

  • Robin's Rambles - Monster Movie

    Monster Movie
    --Robin's Rambles by Robin Vogel

    Thunder and lightning fill the sky as the credits roll just like they would in an old time monster movie. The Impala turns a corner, passing a sign that alternately reads, "Welcome to Pennsylvania" and "Welcome to Transylvania." While Sam thinks they should be addressing the coming end of the world, Dean is delighted to have a black and white case involving nothing more than a few vampires to behead.

    Oktoberfest 2008 - The proper music plays as prettily dressed girls walk the street. Dean and Sam, suited up, exit the Impala. Dean wants to see the new RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK movie and is upset to learn Sam saw it without him. "You were in hell," Sam reminds him. "No excuse," says Dean. Dean runs over to grab big pretzels for the two of them as Sam fondly shakes his head. A sweet honey greets Dean. "Guten tag yourself," says Dean. Agents "Angus" and "Young" meet Sheriff Dietrich, who takes them to the morgue and shows them the young woman who was killed--two bite marks on her neck. A Satan-worshipping, Anne Rice-reading Gothic psycho vampire wannabe, suggests the sheriff. There was a witness, Ed Brewer, but not the most reliable guy. We see the brothers and the sheriff from the dead woman's viewpoint as the drawer is shut.

    Sam and Dean enter a crowded bar where he sees and flirts with Jamie, the pretty bar wench he saw earlier. Sam asks where they can find Ed Brewer. Jamie doesn't think Dean "comes on like a Fed." He tells her he's a rebel, a maverick with a badge, and one thing he doesn't play by are rules. Sam asks again where they can find Brewer. Ed is drinking from the biggest beer stein I've ever seen, upset that he's the town joke. The Winchesters assure him they have lots of experience with strange. So Ed describes coming across a man biting a woman's neck. He was a vampire with fangs, slicked back hair, cape, medallion--Dracula! Right down to the accent! "Stay avay from me, the night is mine!"

    Behind the bar, Jamie talks to her friend, Lucy, who blots her lipstick and lays down the napkin she used. Jamie admonishes Lucy for calling Ed crazy. Lucy reminds Jamie that Ed tips her in 20's. Dean asks Jamie for a beer after Lucy goes to another customer. Jamie asks if he's off-duty. "And then some," smiles Dean. Sam picks up Lucy's discarded napkin. Dean and Sam agree this isn't their kind of case, but Dean's cool; their room is paid for, it's Oktoberfest and they have beer and bar wenches. Sam suggests today's women don't like being called bar wenches. "Hey, bar wench, where's my beer?" demands Dean. "Coming right up!" says Jamie cheerily, making Sam shake his head. "Dude, Oktoberfest," says Dean. When Jamie asks Sam what he'll have, Dean says his partner doesn't drink, and is a real drag on stakeouts. He tries to pick her up, but she doesn't bite. "It's time to right some wrongs, Dean tells his brother. He came back from the furnace with a perfect body, "Which leads me to conclude, sadly, that my virginity is intact--I have been rehymenated--and the dude will not abide." Laughing at how ridiculous that is, Sam heads off to get some sleep. Dean tries again to ask Jamie for a date, but she refuses, "I promised Lucy a girls' night out." Besides, no self-respecting girl lets a customer pick her up on the first try--"Try again tomorrow night, G-man." "I don't think we're staying on the case," he explains, "not weird enough."

    Full moon. . .a wolf howls. Rick and his date, Anne-Marie, make out in his car. He tells her if a man doesn't get all the "stuff" out of his system, it can cause all sorts of medical problems. They return to passionate kissing. Two hairy, wolfish hands head their way. Anne-Marie hears something, but her impatient date says, "There aren't any wolves in Pennsylvania." A wolfman breaks the window on his side of the car and drags him out. Anne-Marie screams.

    Anne-Marie, drinking a huge soda, sits before a skeptical Sam and Dean, explaining, "And then it tore him into little piece." Asked to describe the creature, she replies, "It was a werewolf--from the old movies." They thank her for her time.

    Morgue - Sam and Dean examine Rick's smelly remains--bite marks down to the bone--but the heart wasn't taken. What's up? Sheriff Dietrich joins them; canine hair was found on the body. Dean squeezes the bridge of his nose. I'm getting a headache," he complains.

    Bar - Over a meal, Dean remarks it feels like they've stumbled over a midnight showing of DRACULA meets WOLFMAN. Jamie brings over more beer and says this case just got weird enough for their department. "Beers are on me," she says, and to Dean, "I get off at midnight tonight." Not another girls' night out, she says, gesturing to Lucy, who's blotting her lipstick behind the bar. Dean's thrilled. He wonders if this Dracula can turn into a bat. "That'd be cool," he says, leaving a cute beer mustache on his upper lip.

    Canonsburg Museum of American History - A mysterious delivery shows up, something Egyptian, looks like a sarcophagus. A guard is on the phone describing it to someone when a creature rises from it--the Mummy! The guard drops the phone, screams out, "Holy mother of crap!", pulls out his gun, shoots the thing coming toward him (futile). He is lifted off his feet and strangled to death. We see the Mummy's hideous teeth and the poor guard's open mouth as he utters his death cry.

    Museum - There is a flurry of activity as the Coroner's office wheels away the guard's body, photos are taken, and the Sheriff confers with his deputies. Sam and Dean examine the sarcophagus. "This isn't ancient," declares Sam, "it's from a prop house in Philly. There's a bucket of dry ice from the same place, which Dean finds inside. Whoever is doing this has quite a sense of showmanship, says Dean. He checks his watch - he's late for his date with Jamie! He leaves the crime scene to Sam and races off.

    Bar - Jamie waits, checks her watch, decides she's given Dean enough time. "Your loss, G-man." She walks away, hears a noise and turns--Dracula! "Good evening," he says in his Transylvanian accent. Jamie runs, he throws his cape over one shoulder and follows her. When he catches up, his eyes are highlighted, just like in the movies. "I have watched you for many nights from afar," he says, "my passion knows no bounds, Mina, you are the reincarnation of my beloved, I must have you!" She reaches into her purse and sprays him in the face with Mace. "Son of a b-!" he cries, his voice no longer accented. Jamie races away, "Dracula" in pursuit. She runs right into Dean and they turn and face Dracula. "Son of a bitch," says Dean. "You should not use such language in the presence of my bride," scolds Drac. "OK," says Dean, and punches him. When Dracula stands, his fangs are showing, and he backs Dean into a brick wall. "Run, Jamie!" shouts Dean. She does. 'You have no choice in the matter, Mr. Harker, Mina is mine!" says Dracula, homing in on Dean's jugular. Dean grabs the vampire's ear, trying to push him away, but the ear comes off in his hand, and Dracula runs off, Dean in pursuit. Drac leaps over an iron gate and takes off--on a motor scooter! He toots his horn and rides away, leaving Dean looking at him through the bars of the gate. A curtain with the word INTERMISSION written on it lets us know we're halfway through the show--time for my big brother to buy me popcorn!

    Bar - Sam joins Dean and a shaken Jamie. Sam looks at the ear Dean ripped off Dracula, then touches it--shapeshifter skin, just like in St. Louis and Milwaukee! Dean also pulled off Drac's medallion--another article from the prop shop. They conclude this means the shapeshifter has been all the creatures, and they have to stop him before he, as Dean puts it, "Creature from the Black Lagoon's" somebody. Jamie asks if they're like Mulder and Scully from the X-Files. That's a TV show, says Dean, THIS is real. Sam points out that it's like he's trying to reenact his favorite monster movies, right down to the murders--Mina is Dracula's intended bride, Jonathan Harker her real fiance who stands in his way; Dracula is fixating on Jamie. Dean asks if anyone strange has come to town who's taken special notice of her. It's Oktoberfest, she's a bartender, so what can she say? Hmm, Ed Brewer has a crush on her, but she doesn't think he's that type. Dean sends Sam to the old movie theater, where Ed works, to check him out. Dean will guard "Jamie." (Later) "So shapeshifers can turn into different people," muses Jamie. "This one is turning into great monsters of screenland," says Dean, "a new one for me." "So you and your partner tramp around the country on your own dime, looking for some horrible monster to fight?" she asks. "Some people paint," he says. "Wow, that must suck," opines Jamie, "you're giving up your life for this terrible responsibility." Dean explains, "Last few years, I started thinking that way, and it weighed on me; a little while ago I had this near-death experience, very near, and when I came to, my life's been different, I realized I help people, I save them, I guess it's awesome, it's like a gift, a mission, a mission from God." "So does that make you some kind of monk or something?" she asks throatily, moving in close, celibate?" "Man, I hope not," says Dean, leaning in to kiss her. They're getting into it greedily when Lucy turns on the light, interrupting them. She apologizes, she was just getting a bottle for her own private party, and she'll just go. Jamie invites her to stay for a drink, and Dean agrees, with much sarcasm, because this will stall his long-awaited de-hymenation.

    Sam goes to the theater where Ed works. Phantom of the Opera is playing there. Sam draws his gun and enters. In a very cool, creepy effect, we see only a shadow playing the keyboard. When Sam enters, Ed adds a little jazzy extra to the music that really doesn't fit, but is very funny. Sam points the gun at him, bends him back over the bench and makes accusations: "I know what you are!" Ed assures him he just likes to play the Casio. "Had time to grow the ear back, huh?" asks Sam, pulling hard on Ed's ear. When Ed yowls in agony, Sam, puzzled, says, "It's supposed to come off." "No! It's not!" cries Ed. Sam, embarrassed, makes a cute face at his faux pas Ed is NOT their shapeshifter, but he sure is weird!

    Bar - Jamie, more than a little drunk, brags to Lucy how Dean flew in and saved her from Dracula. "I didn't exactly fly, but it sure seemed that way at the time," says a modest Dean. Lucy blots her lipstick and leaves the napkin on the table, then asks Dean, "Are you like a black belt or what?" Dean notices that Jamie looks close to passing out, then that his glass of booze appears to be twirling round and round. "I guess they train you to fight at the Academy or whatever," says Lucy. Dean abruptly punches her in the face. Jamie passes out on the bench. "It's you, isn't it?" demands Dean. Lucy puts her askew mouth back in place. Dean kicks her. "What did you put in our drinks?" he asks, picking up the bottle from which they'd been drinking. He smashes the bottle's bottom on the edge of the table and menaces Lucy with it. "I'll skin you myself!" he threatens, but instead falls face forward to the floor. Lucy gazes down at him, smiling. "End scene," she says, before she stomps on his head.

    Spooky castle - Dean, who has been changed into a Hansel outfit, complete with Lederhosen, has been clamped to a Frankenstein-type table. He awakens and stares down at his attire. "Come ON!" he says. He spots a poster on the wall--Lucy, who Dracula explains was bride #3 from the first film. She never got the acclaim she deserved, but he chose her form to walk among the mortals. That's when he saw his bride had been reborn in this century. Dean, laughing, can't get over what a pumpkin pie eyed son of a bitch he really is! "You're not Dracula!" says Dean. "And even if you are, what the hell's up with the Mummy?" Dracula punches him. "I am ALL monsters!" proclaims Drac. "Life ain't a movie, you sorry sack of sh-" Drac punches him again, then says, "Life is small, meager, messy. The movies are grand, simple, elegant. I have chosen--elegance!" Dean reminds him of those he murdered. "Of course, it is a monster movie, after all," says Drac. "You do realize what happens at the end of every monster movie?" asks Dean. "Ah," says Drac, "but this is MY movie, and in it, the monster wins, the monster gets the girl, and the hero is electrocuted! Tonight, Jonathan Harker, you will be my hero!" He reaches for a lever, with hilarious sloth, to do just that, as Dean chuckles nervously, trying to struggle out of his bonds. The doorbell rings. "Please, excuse me," says Drac, throwing his cape around himself dramatically. He runs upstairs. Dean drops his head to the table with relief. Reprieve! Upstairs, Drac has ordered a pizza--their repast! "Continue to be of such service and your life will be spared," promises Drac. He annoys the delivery guy by asking if there's garlic on the pizza, but the kid, irritated, says there isn't if he didn't order it. Oh, and Drac has a coupon, too!

    Bar - Returning to find Dean and Jamie gone, Sam calls Dean's cell to report that Ed is not their guy. "I'm guessing you're home with Jamie, so give me a call." However, he notices the broken bottle, three glasses--and the napkin with the lipstick stain! "Lucy!" realizes Sam.

    Castle - Jamie awakens in an ornate, candlelit bedroom. A gorgeous gown hangs nearby. "You wear the gown," says Dracula, "it suits your beauty." He assures her "Harker", aka Dean, is resting, and she is to put on the gown so they can have dinner--"We are having pizza." He gestures to the pie, which is on a silver platter. "What's wrong with you?" she asks. "You made up Lucy, pretended to be my friend." "I had to know if you were the one," he explains. "You should try talking to people," she says, but instead you become THIS? I don't want to play your stupid game, I just wanna go home." "PUT ON THE GOWN!" he screams, his accent gone. She reaches for the dress. Downstairs, Sam has broken into the house and pulled out his gun. Jamie looks very fetching in the gown. Dracula, accent missing, says, "I scared you. You're the only one I didn't want to scare." He gestures to their surroundings. "I just love the movies." "They aren't real," says Jamie, "you can't make them real." "Real is being born this way," he says, "different. Real is having your dad call you monster. The first time you hear the word, and he tries to beat you to death with a shovel. Everywhere I tried to hide, people dragged me out, attacked me, called me freak, monster. Then I found THEM. Great monsters. In their movies, they were strong, feared, beautiful, and now I'm like them, commanding, terrifying." "Lonely," says Jamie. "WAS lonely," he corrects. He reaches out to touch her face, but she flinches away. "Now I have you," he says. "Ever think it's only because you KILL people?" she asks. "Or I kill people because I'm lonely?" he says. "Did you hear that?" "What?" she asks. "Dean? Dean!!!!!!" Drac smacks her so hard, she falls to the bed, unconscious. Drac covers his mouth, horrified over what he did to his bride.

    Sam finds and frees his brother. "Just in the nick of time," says Dean, "the guy was about to Frankenstein me!" "Hey there, Hansel," says a grinning Sam. "Shut up!" orders Dean. Sam kicks at heavy wooden doors, which simply fall down. They move on. Sam spies Jamie on the bed, but Drac attacks him from behind and throws him through a very thin wall. Sam lies unconscious. "You will never win, Van Helsing!" says Drac, accent back in place. Dean attacks him, and Drac gets in a flurry of hard punches. "Now, Harker, you will die!" declares Drac. "How about you shut the hell up?" suggests Dean. Drac is about to put the bite on Dean, who's on the floor, but is shot from behind. "Silver?" asks Drac, confused. He turns. Lucy has picked up Sam's gun and shot him. Syrupy violins play. "Twas beauty that killed the beast," he says, "no, Mina, do not weep, perhaps this is how the movie SHOULD end." He falls artfully into a chair and dies. The camera pans away, leaving us looking at Dracula through a small hole, which then closes altogether.

    Oktoberfest Square - Dean and Jamie kiss lingeringly. "Thank you, G-man," she says, "you've been of GREAT service to your country." "Very, very patriotic," he agrees. Sam watches uncomfortably. One last kiss, and Dean joins Sam. "You guys saved my life, you know," says Jamie, "so, thanks." "I like her," says Sam. "It feels good to be back on the job, doesn't it?" asks Dean. Sam agrees. "Hero gets the girl, monster gets the gank," says Dean, "all in all, happy ending--with a happy ending, no less." "Real classy," says Sam sarcastically. Dean thinks it would be nice if life was like a movie, but if it was up to him, it wouldn't be this ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE MONSTERS crap. He's sure Sam has no idea what movie he would choose, but Sam nails it, to Dean's annoyance: PORKY'S 2. "Lucky guess," says Dean sullenly. THE END. . .?

    Credits run over a slate gray sky as the movie score plays over them. What a different, brilliant episode! I absolutely loved this!

  • Supernatural Bits & Pieces April 2, 2016

    Supernatural around the web this week.