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Bobby comes in. “I see you’ve met John McCain there.” Wow, tons of old guy humor. Sam still wants to know what happened. Oh, this gets good. Older Dean starts. “Bobby’s an idiot, that’s what happened.” “Nobody asked you to play,” Bobby says. “Right I should have just let you die,” Older Dean counters. “And for damned sure nobody asked you to lose!” Bobby gripes. Sam gets the most adorable smile on his face. “It’s like Grumpy Old Men.” “Shut up Sam!” Older Dean and Bobby say in unison. How many Sera Gamble scripts have used “shut up Sam”? I’m thinking this is at least the third. Probably more. No matter, it always works.
Dean, now in full-on old guy mode, gripes more. He asks Bobby what the hell he was thinking. The guy was a witch. “He’s been playing poker since guys wore tights.” Bobby doesn’t think older Dean gets it. He does though. “You saw a chance to turn back the clock and get out of that damn chair. Pretty tempting. I can imagine-” Bobby jumps in, tells him he can’t. “You got me, I’ve never been paralyzed. But I’ll tell you something. I’ve been to Hell and there’s an archangel there wanting me to drop the soap.” You know, I’m with him, Hell trumps paralysis.
Dean, being the crotchety old fart he is, won’t stop. “Look at me. My junk’s rustier than yours. You hear me bellyaching, huh?” Sam says he actually is. Older Dean gets an uncomfortable look and groans. He sits in the chair and says he’s having a heart attack. Sam looks worried, Bobby rolls his eyes. “No you’re not.” “What is it?” Older Dean asks. “Acid reflux,” Bobby says. Dean’s learning the hard way, old guys can’t take bacon cheeseburgers very well. He mopes big time.
Bobby gets to the point. He asks older Dean if he wants to keep “emoting” or if they talk about his issue. Bobby theorizes it’s the chips. Dean recalls he slid the chips, Patrick did the magic number and Bobby turned “pretty” in a hurry. So the theory is the chips are magic. Bobby remembers every word he chanted. So they need to steal some chips. Dean wants to “Benjamin Button” himself back to burger shape. More acid reflux. Bobby thinks he should get some clothes on.
I said this in the review, but cool and sexy when done in the exact way by an 80 year old man becomes sad and pathetic. Case in point, older Dean answering the door. It’s the hot looking maid. He gets all flirty. The maid gives a cute little laugh. “You’re just like my grandfather. He hits on anything that moves too.” She calls him adorable. “And dangerous.” “Aww,” she says and laughs. Oh Dean, your ego is in for a bashing, isn’t it? Sam thinks it’s funny. So does Bobby. Dean just wants to go.
It’s a street scene and our three heroes are in a van! As in Bobby’s custom made handicapped van. I’m thrilled he’s adapting and that van is cool, but I already miss the Chevelle. I still want to paint it BTW Kripke! He’s driving, Dean’s in passenger seat, and Sam is in the middle. How much do you want to bet Sam’s on his knees? They watch Patrick, who walks out in the middle of the street in front of one fancy sports car. It hits him. Patrick plays hurt, waits until the guys goes for help, and then gets in the car and drives away. Dean smiles and admits he likes the guy. Also, some cool jazz piece is playing while all this is happening. You know, aside from cinema appreciation in college, I had jazz appreciation. That was my second favorite class. No, that’s not an answer for an interview question either. It’s an improvised piece, but other than that, that’s all I remember from that class to contribute to the analysis.
They follow the car to some high rise apartments, or a hotel, I can’t tell which. It’s called “The Statesborough.” They see Patrick leave. They go inside, the elevator is out. That leaves Bobby out. Yeah, I’m sure this guy has the penthouse suite. Sam runs up the stairs and Dean follows slowly behind. As he works his way up the stairs, Sam points out at the top that they’re only on the second floor. Come on Sammy, have some respect for the elderly. I can’t believe Dean is doing this at all. Eventually Sam emerges on the proper floor a little winded. A few seconds later Dean comes out and he looks like he’s ready to fall over and die. I’m shocked he hasn’t already. Considering the room number is 3701, that’s 37 floors (or 36 if they skipped the 13th floor). How is he still alive? He’s in remarkable shape for 80. I don’t know many people even my age and younger that can make that climb.
Sam picks the lock and they go into the room. The décor is uh, old witch European. Dean finds a safe behind a board in the armoire. He calls it a “dime store model” and goes to open it. Except he can’t see the numbers. Sam pushes him aside. “It’s like Mission Pathetic. Watch out.” What do you have against old people Sam? Nah, Dean would have done the same in reverse. Sam opens the safe easily and they pull out the chips. Suddenly a woman catches them. It’s the woman in the bar. She holds out her hand and starts doing some witchy mojo torture on both the brothers. Patrick all of a sudden shows up and tells her it’s alright, they’re harmless. Um, yeah. Harmless.
Patrick tells them to take the chips. “They’re just chips, Einsteins, it’s showmanship. This may come as a shock but the magic does not lie in a pile of crappy plywood. Or in any phony abracadabra. It’s in the 900 year old witch.” Wow, he doesn’t look a day over 810. He tells them to score their years the old fashioned way, with Texas Hold ‘Em. I thought the old fashioned way was Blackjack. What do I know? Older Dean is ready to take him on again, but Patrick holds up the 8 of hearts. He asks older Dean to tell him what card he’s holding. Right, Dean can’t read it. Patrick points out if his eyesight is that bad, what about his memory? He’s not a murderer. Liar!
He’s interested in Sam though. Dean objects, and Patrick wonders if Sam isn’t much of a player. Apparently he likes to let Dean think so. Patrick sends Dean off, wishing him to enjoy the twilight of his life, but should have taken better care of his ticker. Like he thought he’d live this long! I’m sorry, but if I knew the end was coming, bacon cheeseburgers and beer galore! Patrick tells them they’re free to go, but he isn’t done messing with them. Oh those temperamental Irish. Dean’s situation is punishment enough, but he can’t let Sam leave without a small parting gift. He claps three times. Sam asks what he’s doing, but he’ll find out. Real soon. They’re leaving downstairs and his crotch starts itching. A lot. Like doing a pee pee dance a lot. Yep, he just gave Sam the clap. That’s just mean! Isn’t it more fun to catch that while getting some? He could have at least gotten Sam laid. Older Dean thinks it’s funny. Well yeah, Sam still has gotten the better end of the deal.
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